my first time with a man
my first time with a man
with a man, my first time
family-less, friendless, i find comfort in him, he is my beginning
love he promised
love he promised
he promised love
one drink, two drinks, three drinks slide down his soft throat whispering of a lifetime together
i need him, he reminds me
i need him, he reminds me
he reminds me, I need him
fist like a boxer, heart like a lion, the locked door offers no reprieve from his furiosity—it splinters from his brutality
weak, i am weak he reminds me
weak, I am weak he reminds me
he reminds me i am weak, weak
desperation—his, mine, mine, his—slithers down the barren whitewashed walls of his stoic home
it screams for me to flee
it screams for me to flee
flee it screams to me
but his baritone voice touches my tie, blows my name into my face, seduces me back to him once more
stay his body sighs to me
stay his body sighs to me
his body sighs to me, stay
his apology snakes down my spine, touches me gently and wraps around my torso with a familiar, deep embrace
relapse into his love
relapse into his love
into his love, relapse
silence echoes the screaming sirens in my head as he disregards my presence
he batters with voice and violence
he batters with voice and violence
with voice and violence, he batters
i am not enough youth for him, not enough man for him, not enough, not enough for anyone—so i hide, hide, hide away from it all
blood digging through split veins
blood digging though split veins
digging through split veins, blood
freedom flows like white flags on battle fields, give in, give up i must—i paint his whitewashed walls with thick liquid—mine, mine—flying my freedom flag dyed red, my final gift
my first time with him
my first time with him
with him, my last time
