Artful Ruckus: Thanksgiving is a bunch of stuffing

You heard me, this holiday is malarky.

Kami Geron, DN
Kami Geron, DN
Kami Geron Opinion Headshot

Kami Geron is a freshman mass communications and studio arts double major and writes “Artful Ruckus" for The Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. 

Waking up to the smell of meat and potatoes has to be every American’s dream. I guess I’m truly just unpatriotic because I don’t like — no, I despise — Thanksgiving. It’s just one more day until Christmas, honestly. It just so happens we celebrate it by overeating, napping and watching TV surrounded by our relatives we usually can’t wait to kick out of the house. 

Thanksgiving just isn’t that great. And before you attack me, just listen.

I hate the food. Turkey is always dry, cranberry sauce just looks gross, sweet potatoes are nasty, green beans smell like trash, gravy is a terrible concept and pumpkin anything needs to stay in the patch. I only survive the day by eating mashed potatoes and biscuits. Luckily, there are a few more “snacky” items like cheese and crackers that usually add up to my entire meal, but anything other than that it is just plain bad. 

And when everyone is comatose from the dramamine in the turkey, I’m ready for round two. But what do I get? Leftovers. 

I can barely eat the turkey once, let alone twice in one day. Thanksgiving food is bland to begin with, so leftovers get old really fast. 

Now, I love cooking. Getting to cook all day with my family is great, but it’s typically food I won’t eat, and there's only so many Pinterest recipes you can try with turkey before you grow tired of it or burn the house down.

If you don’t get a headache from all the chit chat your extensive family won’t shut up about, there's always a blaring TV on too. In the morning, you can watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but every hour after that is football. The parade was cool when I was a little kid, but now that I’ve grown up, it’s just annoying commentary with too many ads. It genuinely isn’t worth it, which is great for my dad because that means he can turn on ESPN. 

Football is only good for one game because that typically lasts like three hours. There are three games on Thanksgiving Day — at least nine hours of actual football, excluding the pre- and post-game commentary and possible overtimes. There is no escape unless you take a nap — which luckily is acceptable but very hard to do with all the commotion.

If you’re fortunate enough to have several TVs in your house or some earbuds for your phone, there is a getaway. Typically, there are plenty of different movies and show marathons running on other channels. Or you can pair your binge eating with binge watching a series — or two. However, in all honesty, you probably won't be able to wrestle the remote away from whoever wants to watch football, even if they are asleep. And the football game will be full volume, so good luck even trying to watch something else.

I know for me, Thanksgiving is just one more day until Christmas. As soon as we finish eating dinner, I start taking all the fall decorations down and pushing my dad outside to put up Christmas lights. Then, hours after you wake up from your food coma, it’s time to stand in long lines for the best deals of the year on Black Friday. 

Thanksgiving is also one of the last days you get to save your money. From there on, it's spending money on Christmas gifts for friends, family and yourself. Don’t forget to treat yourself. And if you don’t look forward to Christmas, New Year's Eve is right around the corner. 

I know most of the foods we eat on Thanksgiving are similar to those we eat on Christmas, but my family has Christmas ham. Ham is far superior to turkey, and the desserts are far better. Not only that, but Thanksgiving is a glorified eating holiday. Christmas is about so much more. The food may be similar, but Christmas is still better.

My hatred is a sore subject, though. I have never seen so many people get so upset over my dislike to the holiday. My boyfriend’s brother told me he didn’t like me anymore because I didn’t like Thanksgiving food. You can say I’m a picky eater, but the truth is my pallet just isn’t made for mac and cheese made from powder or beans out of a can. 

Thanksgiving food is simply too simple. I don’t care what Food Network recipe you followed. 

Everyone is already dreaming of their grandma’s “famous” mashed potatoes or dumplings with Thanksgiving right around the corner. But me? I’ll be eating cheese and crackers and just counting the hours until I can go Black Friday shopping. Thanksgiving is just a day where we socially accept overeating, napping and outright laziness. 

I’d be fine skipping this insatiable holiday. Just bring on Christmas, please.

Contact Kami Geron with comments at kkgeron@bsu.edu and on Twitter @GeronKami.

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