Would it be easier for everyone if I died? Why am I still alive? For some college students, these thoughts become an everyday scenario.
Starting my freshman year of high school, I was one of those students.
I was always smaller than the other kids growing up, which made me the target of bullying. On top of that, I fought with my family during my eighth-grade year.
The bullying and constant fighting took its toll on my mental state and led to depression. The depression continued to get worse every day as the fighting with my family never ceased.
It had gotten to the point where I started questioning why I was still alive. I started telling myself that nobody loved me or even wanted me to be around. I considered taking my own life to end what I thought was other people’s suffering.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 15 – 24. Among that age group, there are 1,100 college students who die by suicide each year, equivalent to three a day according to the American Association of Suicidology.
An anonymous web-based survey created by a group of psychology professors at the University of Texas-Austin was distributed to over 26,000 undergraduate and graduate students at 70 colleges and universities. According to the results, 18 percent of undergraduate students have seriously considered death by suicide, and 40 percent to 50 percent of the same group of students reported having multiple episodes of suicidal ideation.
Suicidal thoughts are usually caused by a culmination of factors that create a sense of hopelessness, feeling of being trapped and a sense of being a burden on others, according to Dr. Khanh Nghiem, an advisor and counseling center therapist for Ball State’s Suicide Prevention Outreach Team.
My thoughts were caused by a culmination of the bullying and constant arguing. I never told anyone what was running through my mind, until one specific fight with my family.
For the rest of Purtha's story, head over to BallBearingsMag.com
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