I understand firsthand why the Food and Drug Association is banning alcoholic energy drinks such as Four Loko.
Last Thursday, my friend and I were unable to find anything to do. I remembered hearing of the FDA's consideration of banning alcoholic energy drinks, particularly one called Four Loko, which has been in the news a lot lately.
"I have to try this," I told myself.
I called just about every liquor store in Anderson to check its availability. Most of the places didn't stock Four Loko and others had never even heard of it. Anderson's not really a college town and the one college we do have is private and bans student drinking, so I'm not surprised by the scarcity.
I finally found a store just northwest of downtown that had a few cans in stock. We drove there and picked up three of the 24 ounce cans. The clerk told us the store had been selling entire boxes of the stuff lately, as well as other alcoholic energy drinks, likely because of impending legislation. We paid and set off for home.
When we got back, I cracked open a can. The flavor was "fruit punch" and the smell was outright boozey at first. The first sip reminded me of sweet tart candies dissolved in Miller Lite — tart and beer-like, but still slightly palatable.
I'll break it down here: One can of this stuff is about 24 ounces. The drink is 12 percent alcohol by volume, or 24 proof. Stronger wines like Manischewitz have similar alcohol content.
To put things in perspective, one can of Four Loko would probably amount to a little less than a whole bottle of 30 proof cinnamon schnapps.
The breakdown in comparison with beer is a little more alarming. One can of Four Loko has about as much alcohol as four to five 12 ounce cans of domestic beer such as Coors or Natural Ice. Top this off with the caffeine content of a cup of coffee and you're in for quite a buzz.
"These products are designed, branded and promoted to encourage binge drinking," White House Drug Policy Director Gil Kerlikowske said Wednesday to The Associated Press.
I drank half the can before I really felt anything. It drank like a beer and didn't have the bite of most high-percentage alcoholic beverages. Once I thought I was going to be safe, intense intoxication suddenly set in. The fact that I drank it pretty quickly had something to do with that, because I'm not that much of a lightweight.
I continued drinking. I could feel the caffeine in the drink having an effect. My heart was racing and I couldn't sit still. I also didn't feel nearly as intoxicated as I was, so I kept drinking. I finished the can in about half an hour or so. I don't really remember much after that.
I woke up the next morning in my bed (how I get there, I'm not quite sure). I felt worn out. My friend was still buzzing and had been playing video games all night and morning. This stuff is intense.
It's also really, really, really, really dumb to drink it. One can over such a short period of time did me in for the night. Think of what more can do to you. The fact that my chest hurt the next day is probably going to keep me from buying this stuff again.
Don't mix uppers and downers, people.
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