I, like thousands of my fellow Ball State University classmates, their parents, their grandparents, their pets and Charlie Cardinal, am a member of the global phenomenon known as Facebook. Together, we number 200 million people, a nation 2/3 the size of our United States - a number that grows every single day. And although I initially questioned the "necessity" of social networking sites such as these, I have come to enjoy Facebook as a diverting and harmless activity.
Until now.
Last week, as I was sitting at a workstation in the philosophy collection of Bracken Library, taking several vitally important Facebook quizzes such as "What Work of Literature are you?" and "Which of the Three Stooges would you be?" I was struck with a blow that rocked my online identity to its core. While taking the "What Would You Be in the Star Wars Universe?" quiz, I was listed as, get this, a Bounty Hunter instead of a smuggler.
Blasphemy. Complete and utter blasphemy.
As a die hard Star Wars fan, anyone who knows me can verify that my devilishly handsome looks and rogue-like wit would clearly qualify me as the "Han Solo type." But no, Facebook insists on giving my online identity a black eye with this clearly demeaning and insulting categorization.
Look, I'm not crazy - really. Most things that happen on Facebook, I can tolerate. I was fine when Facebook grew to become a near mandatory requirement for college students, and the question "Aren't you on Facebook yet?" replaced "Hi, Matt."
I was fine when people began to advertise events on Facebook instead of asking you face-to-face or via telephone.
I was fine when "Hahaha" became "LOL," and I didn't yet know what that meant.
I was fine when writing "Happy Birthday" on your Facebook wall replaced cards and/or presents.
I was fine when joining "1,000,000 people for/against (insert generic opinion/topic)" became the "thing" to do.
I was fine when the definition of people dating became "Facebook official."
I was fine when stalking someone's personal life via photos and wall posts became "normal, boredom activity."
I was fine when my friends began to consider spending time together playing "Scrabble" on Facebook.
I was fine when "Bumper Stickers" of David Hasselhoff, "witty" one-liners and racial epithets became normal occurrences on my and my friends' Facebook profiles.
I was fine when banner advertisements began to scan my personal information to connect me to "items and events of interest."
I was fine when the definition of privacy meant changing the Facebook filter to "Friends and Networks only."
However, that Facebook quiz crossed the line. It's one thing for me to willingly give access to my personal information to thousands of random strangers on the Internet each day, but it's another thing entirely to place false stereotypes on my poor, innocent avatar. Seriously, my online profile has now been tainted by false, misleading information.
Sure, some of you might say, "delete it," but that's like creating a false fa+â-ºade. And the Internet does not forget so easily. Take, for example, all those photos you delete that hover around Facebook servers for months after being removed. The Internet does not take kindly to lies.
My suffering is not an isolated event. Everyday as I silently prowl through my friends' profiles, I notice their odd exclamations as they receive Facebook quiz answers that clearly diminish their online personalities. Several of my poor undergrad classmates have been given fewer days to live after the "Zombie Apocalypse" as they obviously would. My girlfriend was clearly given a completely wrong "old lady" name.
And I, I was subjected to a false character classification in a fictional universe on a social networking quiz.
This intolerance must not stand. We must demand more from the social network to which we blindly and joyfully post all of our private and personal information. We must protect the sanctity of our online personas. We must boycott every single Facebook quiz on the Internet ... well, at least, after I finish the "What Color Dodge Dart are You?" quiz I just found.
Matt Balk is an English graduate student and writes 'Balk on the Ball' for the Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper.
Write to Matt at mjbalk@bsu.edu
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