I had a dream the other night that the United States was on the verge of energy independence. Our nation had evolved to foster a new age in solar, wind and hydrogen fuel technology. We were a truly enlightened society that accepted the damning limitations of fossil fuel supplies and acted to develop renewable resources. People were riding fast, safe, reliable public transit systems both locally and from coast to coast. We had a smart power grid with all of our energy coming from wind turbines, dams and a solar field in the Mojave Desert the size of Luxembourg. Cars ran off hydrogen fuel cells and electricity. Oh yeah, Jesus was president and the VP was a unicorn.
It was awesome.
I woke up and went to get in my hydro-jet cleansing machine for my daily sprucing and was snapped to reality by my bathroom, the coldest place on Earth. With no aid of modern convenience, my bathroom is at absolute zero in July. When I step in there in the morning, the atoms in my body stop moving. I realize third-world people would kill to have my bathroom, but they don't know what atoms are and they drop a deuce in the bushes, so who cares. Anyway, the dream was over. I showered in my rusty bathtub, got in my gas-guzzling SUV to head to class and left all the lights on. Yes, the dream was over.
Wouldn't a smart grid be great? It would run a lot more efficiently and we could tap renewable energy for everyone in consolidated fashion. Life would be great. There's just one problem. Along with the power lines attached to the house, there would also be sensors that would tell the government what appliances we're using and for how long. That means if you had a dozen high-pressure sodium lights running in the basement, the law would be at your door shortly to railroad your pot growing operation and cart you off to the gunship gray hotel. They'd know how long you play video games. They'd know how much time you spend watching TV and movies. They'd know how often you do laundry. They'd know if you like to woodwork in the garage or if you download porn like a North Korean communist dictator.
I guess the question is: Do we have to have all that? Imagine Bush if he'd had access to that kind of resource. No one would've been safe; just a bunch of taxpaying potential terrorists who need to be controlled and watched. Turning the little Texas Wrecking Ball loose with a smart grid would be as ugly as if Nixon would've had digital video surveillance and spy satellites that can read a man's watch from space. It would've been Hell on Earth for everyone but J. Edgar Hoover.
The reality is, our power grid is old and outdated, but no one wants to be watched by the government as though their family name is Rosenberg. Spying on America would be a side effect of such technology. I understand the idea that if you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide.
Anyone with a soul knows that fun is usually illegal. It's not that I don't respect the law. I just think the Gestapo should have to work his ass off to bust me. If a few people with homemade pipe bombs full of rusty nails slip through the cracks so that I can have some privacy, so be it. So what's the solution? Ha! That's a trick question. The oil is going to run out and things will get worse before they get better.
In a New Yorker article from the Jan. 26 issue a Russian software engineer, Dimitry Orlov, said people need to stop defining wealth as money. In short, the fellow with all the guns, canned spaghetti and Twinkies will be the winner when the feces hits the fan. A man with cash now should build a strong fortification and buy a tank. If society makes a turnaround, he'll still be in good shape because that stuff is cool to have no matter what.
If we're really going to have an enlightened society, the government should have to publicly apologize for the "Reefer Madness" campaign of the '30s and '40s and "legalize it" so hard-working citizens like me can stop smoking banana peels.
Write to John at jrfrees@bsu.edu
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