I am no expert on relationships. In fact, I can hardly help myself most times.
But with the holiday season upon us I thought it would be useful to reflect on those we love. I'm not talking about our parents or best friends, but significant others. Whether you are currently in a relationship, I hope this column can help all college-aged students.
Through personal experience I have learned that in order for a relationship to effectively work you have to let the other person know exactly how you feel. You just can't expect the other person to guess. It isn't fair, and it isn't right. Speak up and be honest. It's the only way to make things real.
For those having relationship problems, take the above information to heart. If the issue is not cheating, it is most likely miscommunication. Usually one person aggravates the other and all hell breaks loose. The only way to fix it is to have an open mind and a willingness to compromise. If you really care for someone, you will find a way to make it work.
I think a relationship is a prime example of evolution and maturation. One person cannot always get what he wants, and that person certainly can't have all the control. If one is unable to see through the eyes of the other, it creates a difficult situation.
Therefore, it has to go both ways. If you are willing to make changes then your significant other must be willing and able to as well. The only way, however, to give and receive love is if you love yourself first.
What if the relationship ends, though?
Well, most of us have been on both ends of a breakup, and it's certainly emotionally tiring.
But if you are trying to get your ex back, don't push it. True love is a wonderful feeling, but when you love someone and the other person doesn't feel the same way, it's tough to overcome. And what you can do is limited because the other person has to meet you halfway.
Ultimately, do what you can do, but don't let a breakup ruin your life. Have hope and the possibility that you can rekindle a relationship, but don't put life on hold. It's just not worth it. Let it be. If it's meant to be, the universe will arrange for what is necessary to occur. Be direct and put the ball in their court. Lay everything on the table, and then see what their next move is.
In my own experience, I have learned that life is easy looking back into the past, but we have to do it moving forward.
I have also tried to get back with my ex-girlfriend after a two-year relationship.
However, I realized I was pursuing a ghost in a time and place that doesn't exist anymore. Just do the best you can at the given time. and, while you may be a harsh critic of yourself, realize that you can always improve in the future.
If you are having relationship problems, be direct and honest in discussing the issues. Don't leave anything unsaid.
And, if you are going through a breakup, understand that both people must be willing and able to make sacrifices and compromises. What you give you should get back. It should be a reciprocal relationship if it is to continue.
Besides, it takes two to tango. And it always will. It's a relationship for a reason.
So, please don't forget that.
Jason Marer is a junior social studies education major and writes 'Think to Exist' for the Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper.
Write to Jason at jsmarer@bsu.edu
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