This, my second senior year, has been an eventful one for me. I took my capstone classes, I drafted an entire novel in a month, I published a Web site and I received my first hate mail. I'm sorry to see it end, but at the same time I'm looking forward to the summer.
And yet, when I think about it, I pause.
I don't know what the next year is going to bring for me. I'm finishing my classes this semester, but I still have to find an internship to graduate. I'm already starting to feel alienated from the campus, although that might have more to do with the fact that I've been up until 4 a.m. every night this week (and always without caffeine - ha!). My finals are going to be easy, and the only real stress in my life right now is wondering how I'm going to fit all the stuff in my apartment back into my old bedroom. That's right - I'm moving back in with my parents.
I hoped to have an internship for the summer, but those plans fell through. I had planned to get my own apartment and set up housekeeping somewhere, but because those plans hinged on the internship, they fell through, too. So now I'm stuck living at home for one more summer, and I have absolutely no idea where I'm going to fit all my books and furniture and things like that.
I do know, however, that this will be the summer I finally grow up. I am the oldest of three sisters, and as such there has never yet been a time when I lived at home and at least one of my sisters did not. This summer, however, they're both moved out. My youngest sister is staying at Purdue University for the interim, which means I have the bunk bed all to myself. My mother doesn't mind, of course; she's more than willing to postpone empty-nesthood for a few more months. But the trick for me will be to avoid falling back into old childhood habits and patterns.
Even when I moved out of the dorms and into an off-campus apartment two years ago, I still felt like a child who left home for the school year and then returned. I've always been a slow mover and a late bloomer, so this didn't surprise me - I expected this transition to take a while. My forays into independence always ended back at the nest, but luckily my mom and dad always pushed me out a little further the next time.
So this summer, despite the many tropes and stereotypes that surround moving back in with one's parents, I believe I will find more independence than I would have otherwise.
Had I moved directly from college to my own apartment, I would doubtless have gotten myself dug in far over my head within a fairly short period of time. This isn't a statement of self-doubt, but a statement of self-knowledge: The simple fact is that I need more time than most people to make this sort of adjustment. Part of it's my ADHD, part of it is other factors. But because I am aware of this shortcoming, I can take measures to compensate for it.
I'll be able earn and save money this summer instead of spending it on rent. I'll have time to write the second draft of my novel and apply for internships instead of stressing out about bills. Who knows, I may even pay off some student loans. The point is that when I do move out, I'll be prepared. But most of all, I'm going to take this time to get to know my parents better, to learn to know them as friends and not just authority figures. I'll be able to help them finish some home-improvement projects, and I can enjoy just one more summer of mother's cooking. All in all, I believe that moving back home will be a positive thing - not just for me, but for all three of us.
Besides, I'd have to be crazy to pass up free room and board for a few more months. Tootle-oo, Ball State University. I'm going home.
Write to Joanna at jllees@bsu.edu
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