Every weekday morning, Kate Frazier drives a solitary and relaxing one hour and ten minutes from her home in Indianapolis, where she lives with her life partner and two children, to her Criminal Justice class at Ball State University. For Frazier, who survived the drug culture of the 1980s and will graduate in July, the drive is a time to reflect on her past, look forward to her future and appreciate the present.
"That's my time and I enjoy that hour," Frazier said, "No work. No kids. I have time to just think."
Unlike the paved, simple ride to class every day, Frazier said her own life's journey has not always been easy or smooth.
Raised primarily by her mother in New Castle and Anderson, Frazier said she experienced a lot of anger over her parents' divorce when she was only 5 years old.
"It was very upsetting, almost traumatic," Frazier said.
Although the divorce led Frazier into rebelling against her mother when she was a teenager, she said it was peer pressure from the group she hung out with that led to her drug use.
"When I was 14, I started getting into drugs. It was the 80s, and I was hung up on cocaine, marijuana and pills. I did cocaine a lot," Frazier said.
Frazier sat up straight, focused her clear blue eyes and talked about her past drug use with ease and objectivity.
"I liked not feeling," Frazier said, "I overdosed on cocaine once but I didn't realize that until much later, I didn't know what had happened. I just remember I had convulsions."
Although Frazier was never charged with illegal drug use, she was charged with running away from home when she was seventeen. The runaway attempt landed her in the Indiana Sailors and Soldiers Home, a children's home in Knightstown.
"I was put in there because I was a troubled teenager and got into drugs, not because I didn't have parents," Frazier said.
Frazier said the one year experience at the children's home had a positive effect on her behavior and she graduated with honors. Even though she never touched cocaine again, Frazier had other struggles ahead of her in college.
With a family history in Muncie and many of her family members being Ball State graduates, Frazier decided to attend Ball State.
At seventeen and fresh out of the children's home, Frazier said college was another opportunity for her rebellious streak to surface.
"I got here, and I was totally overwhelmed. It was that newfound freedom after getting out of the home. I basically majored in partying," she said laughing.
Frazier said after getting too many Fs and drinking too much beer she decided to quit school and start working full time.
While sipping a coffee at the MT Cup, Frazier looked far removed from the person she described in her past. She looked collected, calm and confident when she spoke about her insecurities and struggles. She knows what led her to each fall and she remembers exactly what brought her to her feet.
"I didn't think I was smart enough for school. I really didn't think I could do it, which I know now is completely false." she said.
Frazier said the decision to quit school combined with her low self-esteem led to a series of abusive relationships that re-enforced her negative thinking.
"I think abusive relationships can convince you of a whole lot of crazy things, things that aren't true," Frazier said. "When I was twenty-five, I began a gay relationship, and it was also abusive. That's when I realized it was about me, not the other person. The people I was choosing were a reflection of me and I had to take responsibility," Frazier said.
After deciding to make changes in her personal relationships, Frazier said she wanted to get a new perspective on things.
"I experienced a personal crisis in my life that pretty much put me in the position that I had to re-evaluate myself," she said.
"I had a mentor at the time ask me 'What would you do if you weren't afraid?' and for me, school was the answer."
Despite still having some fears about being successful, Frazier said she decided to take on school once more.
"I want that diploma more than I want anything," she said. "That's always been the carrot."
Frazier said she credits Kristine Heide, her life partner of twelve years with whom she is raising a son and daughter, as her motivation for finishing her criminal justice degree.
"I would not have made it if it were not for her. Half of that degree belongs to her," Frazier said.
When she isn't spending time with her friends and family in Indianapolis or on campus attending classes, Frazier is the Aftercare For Indiana through Mentoring facility coordinator at Pendleton Juvenile Corrections in Pendleton, where she works with children who are experiencing difficulties similar to her own past problems.
"I've learned so much from these children, and I understand what they're going through," she said. "I know they won't all get it and I can't make a difference in all of their lives, but it's worth it to make a difference in only one."
Meg Rayburn, one of Frazier's co-workers at the Pendleton Juvenile Corrections Facility and a Ball State senior, said Frazier naturally relates to the kids, and they enjoy her company.
"She can automatically make a student open up. It's pretty cool to just watch her work," said Rayburn. "She cares about the student's future rather than their past. She really lives in the moment, which is rare in people."
As much as Frazier said she has enjoyed the benefits of school and work, the sacrifices she had to make with her own family have been significant.
"Not being able to see my own kids more has been a real struggle for me, but the payoff is that they get to see the importance of education," Frazier said.
For the times Frazier misses her life partner, she wears a silver bracelet given to her by Heide, inscribed with a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. The bracelet simply says "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
"It's my reminder," Frazier said smiling, "To stay in the moment, stay focused and everything else is irrelevant."
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