In the spirit of Icelandic singer Bjork’s infamous swan dress, which is to be auctioned off next month for charity, I decided to search for the most bizarre items available for purchase on eBay.
Ah yes, eBay — that wonderful treasure trove of actual kidneys, toast that boasts the image of Mother Theresa and other priceless knick-knacks.
What I found exceeded my expectations and gave me a newfound respect for the eBay moderators who keep millions of items organized on a constant basis.
If you’re bored and have 10 minutes to spare, browse the pages of eBay to find the strange and unusual; you won’t be disappointed — trust me.
Are you in the market for an authentic northeastern Oklahoma cow chip? If so, please don’t buy it just anywhere — eBay’s cow chips are hand-collected by “an Okie who knows his chips.” For those who hold grudges after a relationship has ended, a husband is selling photos of his cheating ex-wife as a means of payback. I don’t recommend seeking revenge on an ex in this way. It just doesn’t pay — literally.
If you’ve reached the limit your parents placed on your credit card, fret not — offer your skin as advertisement space so eBay customers can reward you handsomely for the permanent tattoo you will sport for them. Interested in the macabre? Star in your own real-life horror film with a haunted doll that was buried and then resurrected.
Okay, by now you’re probably thinking, “Is there anything practical on eBay, maybe for the typical Ball State student?” I’m glad you asked.
It’s a well-known fact that every student suffers from stress, but what if you could have a person to vent to 24 hours a day, seven days a week? For the low price of $6.50 or more, the highest bidder can win 30 days of venting to a total stranger who promises to keep every last secret. Or you can be the envy of your fellow geology majors with bottled 100 mph winds from all four hurricanes of 2004. Are you a liberal political science major? Then you need the George W. Bush presidential punching bag. For the more serious student, dress up your term paper with the “very nice pink paper clip” — I’m sure your professor would appreciate the extra effort of your one-cent purchase.
Every dorm room needs some beautiful decorations, right? Try a cursed clown drawing that I guarantee your friends won’t have on their walls. Better yet, are you unpopular on campus and can’t make new friends? Purchase a photo deemed “the world’s ugliest school picture ever,” and realize that things could always be worse.
I didn’t forget you hungry students. If you have money to spare and a large appetite, try potato chips that look like smiley faces, Spiderman and Jay Leno (complete with chin), a sweet potato that looks like a duck, a piece of toast that shows the image of an ape or apple snacks that look like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky (minus the controversy).
For the world travelers on campus, I have an “out-of-this-world” experience for you — an acre of land on Mars. Not only are “amazing locations” still available, but surely you could earn some credits for studying abroad. Please consult one of the study abroad program advisers before you make the long trip — and be sure to write.
So, aside from the fact that I need a new hobby, what is the point to this story?
First, no matter how hard you try to discover your unique self in college, someone else will always outdo you in that department.
Second, while the pages of eBay can be quite frightening, there’s good news: If your college degree doesn’t earn you a salary, there’s always eBay.
Write to Danielle at
drcoulter@bsu.edu
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