She would die of embarrassment, so I'm not going to say who gave me the magnet. It's holding up a funny picture of Christopher Walken on the fridge: Frank Zappa with the quote "If you want to get laid, go to college, but if you want an education, go to the library."
Not bad advice, that. One good turn deserves another; hence, presented in random order: "Dave's 10 Commandments for incoming Ball State University freshmen."
1. The most important piece of college advice my father ever gave me was, "Take the professor, not the class." Find out who the great profs are, who you click with, and stick with them. Remember -- "best" is not a synonym for "easiest."
2. Unless you're one of those evil "morning people," do not sign up for a class that starts before 10 a.m.
3. If your foreign language skills are a bit lacking and your major demands four semesters, consider summer classes. The immersion of several hours a day worked for me.
4. Escape the dorms as soon as possible. For less than you're paying to live in the dorms with a babysitter, you could get a decent apartment.
5. Going along with No. 1, befriend you professors. I can vouch for the English, political science and foreign language departments; there are plenty of friendly, talented people at Ball State. Remember, these are deeply passionate individuals who have dedicated their lives to the subjects they teach. In my experience, when they get devoted students, they tend to open their arms. My theory: We remind them of themselves when they were our age.
6. Bracken Library is a treasure trove. Between loads of periodicals, popular new books, a solid selection of tapes and DVDs and a vast collection that has inspired legitimate shock and awe in me many a time, you're a moron if you don't take advantage of it.
7. A prime dorm exodus argument: the food. Healthy possibilities are limited. The dreaded "freshman fifteen" is very real. Just because you have money on your meal card or dining plus does not mean that you have to spend it -- you'll just end up with a drawer full of junk food and an unattractive gut.
8. Sharing a dorm room can be difficult, whether it's with a best friend or a stranger. First, it's good to know each other's class schedules. My old roommates and I would actually post them up on the wall. Why is this important? It helps to know when you'll have the room to yourself. Why? I refer you to the above Frank Zappa quote.
9. Further, regarding that particular subject -- amorous activities -- it's good to simply have a frank, roommate-to-roommate talk on the subject. Set up codes. The first is to signal a request to vacate the premises. For example, go to the dorm fridge, peer inside and declare, "We're out of Gatorade." The accommodating roommate will then say, "Oh, I'll go pick some up," and exit with a wink. It's also a good idea to have some "do not disturb" signal on the door, like a sock on the handle or "FIP" written on the white board.
10. The cafeteria in the student center sells grapefruit halves for fifty cents. Eat two daily.
11. It's a good idea to keep a couple of Red Bulls and assorted heavily caffeinated beverages in the fridge in case of emergencies or planned writing marathons. Generally, I'd caution against writing whole papers the night before they're due; however, I have had success in the past doing so. Last semester I pulled a Red Bull-aided, nearly 24-hour writing marathon -- with one break for classes -- of two papers totaling about 50 pages. It yielded two of the best papers I've ever written, as well as an A and an A-.
I caution you, though, it only works if you really know what you're writing about -- you need to have all the research and planning done beforehand. Also, absolutely do not have more than two Red Bulls in 24 hours. It will wreak havoc on your system.
12. Always lock your door if nobody is going to be in your room. It does not matter if you're walking down the hall to ask a friend a quick question or if you're just running to the bathroom.
13. Should you be stuck in the dorms for two years -- how about that Premium Plan? -- at the very least get out of LaFollette Complex and upgrade to a better dorm, like the Noyer or Studebaker West complexes.
14. The first semester is arguably the most important because it will separate those who can survive and thrive in the college environment from those who simply are not mature enough to handle it. It's nice to start your college career on a firm base, instead of starting off in the hole and trying to pull yourself up. In other words: Work harder this first semester than you normally would. Be careful about skipping classes and wasting time playing video games or surfing the Internet because, in my experience, those who indulge in those activities a bit too much are often the first to go.
15. So, the class you're in looks comparable to a pleasant drawing and quartering? The prof has goat legs, horns and a familiar goatee? DROP THE CLASS. It's very simple, just drop it and try and pick up something else. You can do that in the first week of classes. I say the same thing to students of a conservative political philosophy who might find themselves at the mercy of some pinko commie liberal lunatic prof. If you treasure your complete Ann Coulter library and take "Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution," I'm not going to listen to you and David Horowitz whine about "liberal bias" and "indoctrination."
16. As freshmen, the vast majority of you will be under the legal drinking age. That certainly won't stop you from drinking, but should you choose to break the law, I would recommend drinking at quiet, small parties instead of the massive crazy-loud parties. Cops don't bust parties that they can't find. You might want to just crash there overnight, too, to avoid resident assistants and residence hall staff who will bust you. Of course, if you lived off campus, then it would not be an issue.
17. There are plenty of online communities with which you can get involved:
A) The Ball State Daily News at http://www.bsudailynews.com. You can post comments about articles and columns and engage in various online debates.
B) The Muncie Scene at http://www.themunciescene.com. The Muncie Scene is a site that promotes local art and music.
C) The Ball State Live Journal Hangout at http://www.livejournal.com/community/ballstate/. This blog community is for all Ball State students with LiveJournals.
D) BSYOU.NET at http://www.bsyou.net. This is a conservative site that made quite a splash when it debuted last year.
E) Juxtaposition Virus at http://www.juxtapositionvirus.com. Yes, yes, this is a shameless plug, I know. It's a new, blog-based online magazine, which I recently founded.
There is one lie above. My apologies. I will be revealing who bought me the magnet. It was my favorite librarian -- my mother!
Write to David at
swimminginbrokenglass@gmail.com
or visit http://www.bsu.edu/web/dmswindle
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
