There are so many aspects of human behavior that are utterly mystifying. Near the top of the list for much of the female population has to be the following: Why is it that intelligent, kind guys can, in a relationship, transform into idiotic jerks?
Most males who have been in their fair share of relationships have from time to time had to face similar self-reflection. "Why did I do that? That doesn't sound like me at all. Why am I acting this way? How in God's name could I have said something that stupid? What was I thinking?!"
I have a hypothesis to present for discussion and debate.
The transformation from decent guy to prick is a defense mechanism of the subconscious mind. The male may think that he wants to be in a particular relationship; things may appear to be going swimmingly, but in reality they're not. This is not a healthy relationship.
Since the conscious mind is too blinded or distracted to realize the relationship's toxicity, the subconscious mind must take over. So it chooses to sabotage or self-destruct the relationship by transforming the male into some combination of idiot and jerk.
From that point on it will not take long for the female to grow frustrated and disgusted with the male to the point that she breaks up with him. At which time the male will then enter into the above angry, self-hating internal reflection.
The male may agonize over his behavior for some time before the subconscious's justifications for imploding the relationship pass into the awareness of the conscious mind. A series of revelations may then take place. He will suddenly start to see difficult elements of the relationship or hurtful actions of the female that, at the time did not bother him or did not seem like that big of a deal.
It's hard to feel the knives when the narcotic of the "new relationship high" (NRH) is rushing through one's being, numbing and distorting one's perceptions.
But eventually these wounds become visible and painful and the "Oh God how could I have acted like that?!" transforms into the "Oh thank God I acted like that and I'm out of that awful relationship!"
However, one should not praise or respect the subconscious relationship self-destructor (SRSD.) It's a blunt, primitive, painful tool that can leave some deep wounds on both parties who feel its destructive power.
The SRSD is the relationship equivalent of the nuclear weapon. One should attempt to avoid it at all costs. The way to do that is to remain in a constant state of awareness regarding all aspects of the relationship. As intoxicating and enjoyable as the NRH is, it's important to not get lost in it. Be aware of shortcomings in the relationship or troubling aspects of one's partner.
Under the delusional influence of the NRH, it's too easy to justify or ignore things like the partner's negative behaviors or personality traits that one should consider more carefully. These are the things that pile up in the subconscious and eventually set off the SRSD.
By keeping one's conscious mind unclouded, questionable relationships can be identified more quickly and ended responsibly with less pain and more of a chance of meaningful, lasting friendships instead of silent bitterness and animosity.
Write to David at swimminginbrokenglass@gmail.com
Visit http://www.bsu.edu/web/dmswindle
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