It's that awkward moment during dinner; the check has been placed in the middle of the table and the inevitable question arises. Who should pick up the tab?
Dating is a tricky business wherever you are. However, there seems to be more factors to consider when the two people dating are college students, the most obvious one being money. A limited to nonexistent income is the reality for many college students. Most of us are either taking out student loans or working very hard to avoid them. So is it really fair to apply "real world" standards to dating while in college? If not, what are our standards?
Using the "check at dinner" example, I asked several college students what they thought the standard should be when it comes to paying for the bill. This question generated some very interesting responses but, surprisingly, almost everyone agreed that the guy should pay for the first date if he's the one who did the asking. Could this be one of the reasons so many girls are complaining that they never get asked out on dates? If there is the expectation that the guy has to pay, are college guys simply opting to bypass females during their tour at Ball State University? I think it's a safe bet to say that they are not. I do, however, think that some guys have evolved and figured out a way to avoid this step. And can women really blame them? I'm not sure I would want to sink my hard-earned cash into someone either knowing that the next night someone else could be buying their meals.
So ladies, how are they getting us? We know they're not taking us out on dates, so how do we wind up telling our friends that we're "dating" someone? I have talked to many girls at Ball State who have said that they never went out on an "official" date with a guy until he was already their boyfriend. Very smooth guys. Very smooth.
The reality is that there are so many euphemisms for "date" now that sometimes we're not even sure when we're on one. Maybe it's the fear of rejection, or maybe we like to keep it ambiguous in the attempt to avoid the money issue, but, for whatever reason, one of the standards of college dating is that we don't actually date; we "hang out."
In "college world," we exchange AIM screen names instead of phone numbers. Next, we run a "background check" on them --thanks to the creators of Facebook. Without ever having to bother talking to them, we can determine similar interests, political views and how "popular" they are. So if we're lucky enough to pass the Internet inspection we can expect to be invited (via AIM of course) to "hang out" sometime. I'm just waiting for scientists to figure out a way for us to procreate online so that we will never have to bother with the messy business of seeing the opposite sex face to face.
In the end, it all boils down to two things: money and convenience. We date without actually dating. We communicate without actually talking or listening. We can profile them with a simple click of a button. So whether it's Social Darwinism or just laziness, the new standard of college dating is that there is no standard.
Write to Courtney at csferguson@bsu.edu
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