Since I was a wee lass, my mother has trained me to be prepared for any possible situation. I keep a stick of deodorant in my car. I carry approximately 3.5 million writing utensils on my person at all times. I own two waffle machines. And, finally, I keep a mental list of questions that I might ask an unearthly being with all of the answers to life's mysteries.
At the top of that list is: Why must comfort be unfashionable?
I am taking a class which enables me to enter my desired profession by waking up extremely early and going to high school. When I attended high school as a student, I do not remember once waking up and agonizing for upwards of 45 minutes over whether I looked too casual. I was lucky to notice if my clothes matched or if they consisted mostly of pajamas.
Now that the sands of time have shifted, I wear the following every day: a sweater that has managed to avoid being attacked by the awkward hemlines that plague the fashion industry, an uncomfortable pair of pants with a waistline that fits snugly beneath my armpits, and an even more uncomfortable pair of shoes with negative traction.
I dress like my mom.
But I look okay, which is generally the point of dressing up in the first place; however, I walk around all day in a constricted, poised tizzy. And some people do this all day every day. For this reason, I believe Americans have an obscured view of comfort.
For example, I have a container (Case? Roll?) of dental floss in my medicine cabinet that reads "Comfort Plus."
What does this mean? Comfort, plus the discomfort that comes with flossing? Floss is essentially a string that you pull through the spaces between your teeth, which are generally too small for even bacteria to squeeze into, unless you happen to be David Letterman or from Kentucky. I can think of few things less comfortable than flossing, which include eating glass and removing one's eyes with a spork. Yet, we do it and allow the floss company to inform us that it should be a comfortable, even pleasant experience.
Rubbish.
We do the same thing with lumbar support. Imagine the scene: You are in your vehicle, traveling to a destination that is 3+ hours away. Your back and mind ache simultaneously, and all you want to do is stop for a burger or a giant bag of Funyuns. Then, a revelation! "Maybe," you think excitedly, "all I need is a giant lump coming from my seat to jab me in the spine!"
You jam your hand between the seat and the door with the dead leaves and sticky pennies to find the adjuster button. Finally, success! You spend the rest of your trip absolutely miserable, but the prospect of getting out of the car and thereby ridding your spine of the lump drives you ever onward.
Rubbish Plus.
Why do we subject ourselves to these things? For the sake of appearance? So help me if I ever meet the sorry sap who put such an emphasis on looking one's best and putting one's best face forward. As unlikely as it may be, I think I'll keep a baseball bat nearby just in case.
Never hurts to be prepared.
Write to Aleshia at aleshiathegenius@gmail.com
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
