I've often heard the question asked "when do I know I'm ready to be married?" I've heard people give all kinds of answers, and suggest all kinds of things to do to tell if the relationship will be able to endure hardships: wallpaper a room together, go on a backcountry canoeing trip, things of that nature.
Recently, I've had to ask myself that same question and I believe I've come to a satisfactory answer: if you can survive planning the wedding together without going insane, you are ready to get married.
Maybe some of the craziness that comes with planning a wedding comes from my initial mindset. I was pretty much a typical guy -- when I thought of the wedding, picking out what color and type of flower to have for decorations took a backseat to thoughts of the honeymoon. I pretty much had in mind that the bride-to-be would take care of all of the details to getting us there. Back in reality, I'm realizing how wrong I was.
I'll face it, I'm generally a big-picture kind of guy. Participating in all the nitty-gritty details of wedding planning can be a little overwhelming for me, but Alissa is teaching me how necessary they are.
For instance, I had no idea what the difference was between a hydrangea and a gardenia, although I had a pretty solid picture of a rose. Now I'm intimately familiar with all three. If you can endure looking at picture after picture of flowers that all look pretty much alike without crying, that's a good sign for your future together.
Rounding up seven good men and finding a time that everyone can go to be fitted for tuxedos is an adventure of the strangest kind, and only a truly loving and patient fianc�e will be there to explain why the particular type of shoes you picked out won't work well with her dress and are, in fact, kind of ugly, without insulting your sense of style.
If she doesn't get intensely angry with you because you told her you didn't want to go shopping for centerpieces because "the game was on," but instead, with a smile points out that you are marrying her instead of Peyton Manning, then she'll probably be the kind of wife who accepts you even when you're not nearly at your best.
If, out of love and respect for your significant other, you learn to tell the minute differences between many different flavors and types of wedding cake during a tasting appointment, especially if that appointment rustled you from your warm, cozy bed to slip and slide across ice-covered streets, then signs point to a healthy, loving, and respectful marriage.
All of these experiences and more, which I had never dreamed of, have taught me valuable lessons. It's not just her day; it's our day. She doesn't spend hours looking over magazines to decide on exactly which type of veil to wear because she's obsessive; it's because the wedding is a symbol of our relationship. And if either of us doesn't put our all into making our wedding day as good and memorable as possible, doesn't that say something about what we're willing to do for each other, for our relationship as a whole?
So I'm learning, like many guys before and after me have and will, that the path to a wedding is rocky and fraught with unexpected detours, but if you persevere to the destination, it'll be worth every bit of effort.
Write to Tim at Redbaron.strikesagain@gmail.com
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