Muncie, when will you learn?
In case you've been living in a cave, or just didn't give a second thought to the various trees that look like broken pencils (only with branches) all around campus, Muncie was hit with a massive ice storm over our break.
The result was massive destruction to trees, which, in turn, led to the biggest power outage since the entire Eastern seaboard lost power due to a faulty wire somewhere in Canada.
The solution is simple, at least for most towns. Basic logic would lead the community to one conclusion: We ought to bury those wires. The ones that were taken down with all the foliage.
Will this happen? Certainly not immediately. With all the property damage, it will take a few years for Muncie to launch the bury initiative. In fact, I have a general idea of what will happen chronologically.
In 2009, someone will suggest we bury the lines. This will be met with much resistance by the Muncie population, who not only like the sight of above-ground lines, but fear the cost of increased taxes to replace the power lines, as well as the rolling blackouts that would occur. That winter will be the warmest on record, and people will insist that the fears are not based in facts.
In 2010, Muncie will be hit by a minor ice storm. The entire south side loses power. No buried lines.
The year 2023 will bring the first proposal to bury the power lines. City makers, who are still reluctant to invest the capital in the project, decide the money would be better spent on a giant billboard on the outside of town reading "Muncie: Named the Best City in the World by Low Standards Magazine."
The billboard, which is lit from all angles by an expansive lighting system designed to make it as photogenic as possible, loses power in an ice storm that winter. It is never fixed.
In 2032, Muncie will finally install buried wires, but only in select areas. Basically, it will offer a direct, buried line to any location where high school basketball is or may be played.
Following the great ice storm of 2033, when a Red Cross station cancels a Muncie Central/ Muncie Southside game, other large buildings around town are given underground wires.
In 2037, Ball State actually turns their power plant into a real power plant and secedes from Muncie's power grid.
In 2043 David Letterman, still on television, makes several references to Ball State, as the football team loses the title game for the Division I-AA championship. The loss is attributed to a power outage that squelched a large amount of momentum for Ball State. No one in Muncie sees this as a sign.
2045 will see the formation of a group of Muncites called "Muncie Citizens for Logic" who insist on burying power lines. They are run out of town. They headline in the Indianapolis stars "Logic finds no home in Muncie."
In 2049, a man in Serbia, which has in the past 45 years become the new silicon valley, will invent a better system for connecting power across a town than buried wires. He calls his system "Electrasy".
In 2053, Muncie will install buried lines. The completion of the project happens in time for the 100th anniversary game between Muncie Central and Milan. Milan wins after a power outage causes a major shift in momentum.
2055 will mark the first major earthquake in Indiana in recorded history. This will cause several underground power lines to break, cutting off power to much of the town.
In 2076 Muncie in annexed by Daleville, which has been expanding rapidly since a major Electrasy company was founded in the quaint Indiana town.
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