It has been a rough weekend.
I should have known when my small torch stopped working in themiddle of making creme brulee that things were not looking up.
Legal analysts said it is likely that my hero, homemaking guruMartha Stewart, will go to prison.
The jury panel was made up of eight women and four men.
Was this verdict out of spite? Are these women hating Marthabecause of her many talents with kitchen twine and shrubbery?
She started as a poor Polish child in New Jersey. With a fewcopper pots and a recipe for success, the overachiever made herselfinto the New England jetsetter that she is - or was - untilFriday.
Take a look at those court photos. She looks so poised, with herfur scarf, ready to go back home and teach us all a much-neededlesson about how to perfect our popovers.
A few minutes after CNN reported the verdict, I found myselfreaching for the remote, furiously switching the channels in hopesof finding an old episode of "From Martha's Kitchen," airing on theFood Network.
All Food Network could offer me was Emiril Lagasse, whoseusually comforting "Bam!" could not help me today.
The confusion drew me to my bedroom, where I found three MarthaStewart Living towels from her K-Mart line. Clutching them tightly,I searched for some wallpaper swatches to console me.
I, like most of her fans, could wallow and morn, or I could bustout my own copper pot and whip up a batch of royal icing, just likeMartha would do.
Some might say that this is what happens when a person tries todo it all: They crash and burn.
Others could say that this is what happens when people dosomething illegal.
As an aspiring law student, I should have faith in the judicialsystem.
But Stewart could be in jail for five years on each count, whichis 20 years.
It took time to realize that this works fine for me. By the timeshe gets out, I will be around 42, a perfect age to be part of hernew audience. By then, we can expect an edgier, tougherStewart.
Instead of saying, "When I was harvesting lavender in Provence.. .," her stories will begin with, "When I was in the joint . .."
She could be shoved in a cell with women who have committed lessexpensive crimes, but she will be able to hold her own. She hasbeen said to have a huge temper and rumored to have tried to rundown her ex-husband's female friend with her SUV.
Think about what she could do with kitchen twine.
People might like her more if she did some time. She might get anew following of real people, not just those who join her in taking16 hours to make a gingerbread house.
The saddest part of this chain of events is that the woman whowanted to be the perfect homemaker, cook and business woman couldnot succeed at everything.
In the end, no one can really do it all. But they could at leastdo what they do legally.
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