I got this e-mail last week:
"I believe when I left the university nearly 10 years ago, you were writing a column for the DAILY NEWS. I visited last week to see you in the paper again. Are you for real? Isn't it time to move on?"
Funny, sure, fine, whatever. Then I started thinking.
Oh, with every fiber of my steadily unraveling soul, how I wanted to tell the reader to insert his or her opinion somewhere uncomfortable (such as the back of a Volkswagen).
Then I figured he/she/it was operating with societal expectations in mind.
While this is a free country (in the most restrictive sense of the word "free"), our wishes do not shape our lives -- the expectations of others do. Freedom is flexible and fleeting.
Consider the "decisions" you'll make as an adult:
If you complete a college education, you'd better start between the ages of 17 and 19, or you'll be classified as a "non-traditional student."
Funny, how most four-year colleges (which are supposed to teach diversity and acceptance of those who are different) still can't get over that pesky age thing.
"Four-year colleges" -- now there's a wild idea. If you don't finish college in four years and immediately leave campus for work in the private sector, you're "weird."
You're ridiculed in movies such as "PCU," "Animal House" and "Road Trip," which depict "party-animal" comic characters that have been in college for six years or more.
We laugh, pity and feel better when the credits roll, because we're somehow better?
People stay in college for six years all the time. People get pregnant, go broke, lose motivation, jobs, whatever -- my, those regular folks are a judgmental bunch.
Working Americans start master's programs all the time -- but if you continue your studies immediately after your undergraduate, you're a "career student."
As for home ownership, if you aren't tied into a six-figure mortgage by age 30, you're considered "frivolous" and "apt to throw money away" on rent.
Why, some might even call you "unreliable." Try having a relationship after that special someone labels you "unstable."
Speaking of relationships, are you married? What are you waiting for? If you're getting older and staying single, your parents will "wonder about you." (Read: "think you're gay.")
When you get married, someone -- likely during the reception -- will ask when you're having kids. That's how you know you're ready for parenthood -- when people start asking.
You'd better want a family, too. If you and your spouse don't have a brood by age 30, you're considered "different." If you want to be able to play with your kids, you'd better start now.
Even questioning these ideas is unwelcome. It's just "what you're supposed to do."
Not every homeowner, married couple or university thinks this way, sure, but the point holds: Freedom is a shaky concept.
People say, "Hey, free country," whenever someone departs from mainstream ways or voices a dissenting opinion. We have not evolved to the point of accepting freedom as an unspoken given.
Instead, we acknowledge that freedom exists in order to cope with someone else living differently. We have to rationalize the freedoms of others.
After more than two centuries of freedom, people still can't handle something different.
One e-mail made me think. You should've known.
After all, I'm "weird."
-á-á-á-á-á-á-á
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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