In some situations, I love being told what to do. With all thebrain power that I am forced to utilize on a daily basis, it isoften a relief to sign over my intellectual consciousness to the"How to's" of media propaganda. By simply opening the pages of thenearest magazine, I can learn how to "Live Without Stress," "Gainthe Answers to All of Life's Questions" and "Attract Every Man inthe Room."
Of course, these band-aid fix-all's rarely have the desiredeffect, but I thoroughly enjoy the possibility of finding a threadof truth in their wild claims. Yes, it is true that thesefountain-of-youth-genre headlines are usually found, to the uttershame of females the world-over, in stimulating women's magazinessuch as Cosmo, Seventeen and Glamour.
In this season of incessant buying, I have had the privilege oftraversing through many a supermarket line and viewing all theseasonal "How to's" that one person can stand. The recurring themeof this year's media fix-it seems to be, as in many years past, howto "Defeat the Holiday Blues."
Seasonal depression, or whatever you prefer to call it, is aphenomenon that strikes many this time of year. After leafingthrough article after article on worthless, generalized advice onhow to beat the wintertime blah's, such as "Stress is Bad For You,"I have come to the conclusion that I am the authority on Christmascheer, and should therefore be a radiating beacon of light to allmankind. Lean closer to learn the time-honored secrets of how tosqueeze every last ounce of joy out of your holiday season.
1. When in heavy holiday traffic, go ahead and follow yourinstincts -- scream obscenities and repeatedly bash your headagainst the steering wheel. You will not go any faster, cause thosein front of you to go any faster or cause your car to sprout wingsand transport you to your destination. But it matters not. We bothknow you'll feel better, and the person behind you will get a goodlaugh out of watching you.
2. Watch A Christmas Story for the 700th time. (One viewing: 94minutes of your life. The way you feel when Ralphie comes down thestairs in the pink bunny outfit: priceless.)
3. Do actually talk with and enjoy your relatives when you areall thrown together during one of the few times out of the year.(Start a competitive game of Pictionary, spark apolitical/religious debate, tell dirty jokes to see if you get areaction and do whatever it takes to get Uncle Jimmy to remove hisarse from the Lazy-Boy.)
4. Grab your younger cousins, neighbors or whoever and make arun to your nearest neighborhood sledding slopes. Sure, someonewill inevitably end up injured, but it's all part of thefun-in-the-snow package. (See also: Cruel snowball attacks on yourpooch, exciting adventures with buried vehicles, etc.)
5. Though it's been said a million times, tell your family andfriends how much they mean to you. (This requires actually doingit.)
Whether you hold this season to be a religious and/or familialtradition, there is much to be thankful for. So go decorate yourtree, eat your cookies, go shopping, but keep the true holidayspirit of love alive.
Write to Carla at caalderman@bsu.edu
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
