On Thursday, David Copperfield, renowned magician and master ofenigmatic stares, will appear (and probably disappear) at EmensAuditorium.
With one astounding local feat, this man could save Muncie andbring joy to our metropolis. Thus, the following is an open letterto Mr. Copperfield. With luck, he will hear.
Dear Mr. Copperfield,
On behalf of the citizens of Muncie, I want to thank you forbringing your magic to our town. Muncie is a quiet place. We don'toften get magicians, especially of your caliber.
But I don't just write as an appreciative fan. I'm also aconcerned citizen with a dream.
Like most towns, Muncie has a slew of problems, but no feat istoo much for your skills.
With one hand tied behind your back (or something) you oncebroke out of Alcatraz -- a feat equaled only by Clint Eastwood inthe movie "Escape From Alcatraz," and by several cunning, real-lifeprisoners, including Sean Connery.
For kicks, you made the Orient Express vanish. Agatha Christiewould've been proud.
You also made history when you made the Statue of Libertydisappear -- a feat that has since been challenged only by AttorneyGeneral John Ashcroft.
You are the Harry Houdini of our time. Folks might argue thatthe late Doug Henning was greater than you, what with his bushymustache, huge teeth and hippie "World of Magic" flair.
But Doug Henning tried to make America exploretranscendentalism. With no time for hippie frou-frou, you simplywalked through a wall.
Yes, you walked through the Great Wall of China -- a feat sobadass, I can't even think of a joke.
And dude, you can fly.
I know who The Man is, Mr. Copperfield. You, sir, are TheMan.
Your previous miracles make you perfect for the task of savingthe day in Muncie, Mr. Copperfield. So with the utmost humility, Iturn to you with a request in this, our overcast hour:
Please make Shafer Tower disappear.
Sure, I could ask you to bring back the factory jobs Muncie haslost in the last 20 years, or request your help resurrectingdowntown, or call for your assistance fixing Muncie's potholes.
I could request a hex on Muncie to prevent us from gettinganother restaurant or retail store until a factory opens andemploys 10,000 workers.
But that's all silly talk. My dream is realistic by comparison,and within your ability. Just make our bell tower go away.
Students and faculty have spent years driving around ShaferTower, yearning to hear carillion bells playing "Don't Fear theReaper," (with more cowbell), and missing the straightness ofMcKinley Avenue.
But our tower only mocks us as we make the turn to goaround.
I'm not talking about making Shafer Tower vanish for good,though. I'm not that cruel. I recognize fine architecture andcraftsmanship when I watch something get built twice.
The bell tower should re-appear somewhere else to be fullyappreciated.
Put the tower in the middle of the Shafers' driveway.
There, every time people have to circumnavigate the thing, Icould fully appreciate it.
Mr. Copperfield, you could bring joy with one simple "A la,peanut butter sandwiches."
I'm just another punk, Mr. Copperfield, but I'm a punk with adream.
Please make that dream happen.
Sincerely,
John C. King
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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