When you finishes your classes today, you will be on break.
This is not the most profound statement about higher education, but it really makes one question what a break consists of.
Some of you will travel home to spend quality time with friends, bond with your family and inevitably use the washing machine 48-hours straight.
Others will use their two days off to put a few extra hours in at work. People might catch up or jump ahead on studies.
I will take an exam, and I am scared out of my mind.
The type of exam is not important really, but in my overreactive imagination, my performance on it decides whether or not my life has worth. That, however, is another column all together.
Wednesday, during a practice version of my nemesis that is this exam, I came upon a realization: I survived a lot more than I thought I would.
I have never considered myself a risk taker. I have been told that I would get on all fours and crawl over the cracks in the sidewalk when I was mastering the art of walking. I believe that this is not risk-taking behavior.
But people don't need to leap from a plane, drink themselves to an oblivion or break the law to take risks.
The risks I have taken are as simple as going to a college where I knew no one or changing my major to something that did not provide a set career.
Now I can risk telling my friends and family that I will attempt to continue my education.
The risk: I might fail.
I realize this is what college is about.
Each student that is enrolled at Ball State is taking a risk in some way. To some, a risk might be waiting until the last minute to write a term paper. To others, it might be applying to a graduate school, law school or medical school and running the risk of rejection. People take risks by studying abroad, skipping an occasional assignment or changing their major four times.
The truth is, if the possibility of failure is not there, you will never really learn anything about yourself.
This test has taught me that I am capable of more than I thought I was. As a high-strung, highly dramatic person, I have learned that I can act rationally. I accept that not always meeting my own expectations does not make me a failure.
I would fail if I didn't try in the first place.
Putting yourself on the line or going after what you believe in is a risk. It involves a level of fear and bravery most do not even know they have. You will never know your limits unless you test them.
The most important lesson you can learn in college and afterwards is that when school is over, when you all start careers and have families, there is only one constant in your life. That constant is you. Unless you took the opportunities to learn about yourself, you really have not matured.
So Saturday morning, before I officially start my break, I will face my largest fear: failure.
The only comfort I have is knowing that I have conquered the fear by taking the risk in the first place.
Write to Lauren at lmphillips@bsu.edu
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