While breathlessly anticipating the season premiere of"Survivor" I watched dozens of people board up their windows, say afew choice words to the cameras shoved in their face, and thenhunker in for the long haul. I was transfixed; reality trumpsreality TV anytime. How can one resist the storm of the year? Funnything is this storm's on the opposite coast from HurricaneIsabel.
The California recall has been a reality TV junkie's dream cometrue. The axiom that "truth is stranger than fiction" was validatedonce again. Forget "Survivor: Pearl Islands;" send Jeff Probst tohost "Survivor: California."
It all started out like a contentious tribal council. A group ofconservative California castaways threw a constitutional revolt andwrote Gray Davis' name down. Once the signatures were counted,Davis found himself being recalled despite being elected less thana year before. The tribe had spoken but Davis' torch wasn't yetextinguished and the fun was just beginning.
CBS would never have picked this cast of competitors. Among themare a former baseball commissioner, an adult film star, a stuntedout-of-work child actor, a Zsa Zsa Gabor sound-alike, awatermelon-smashing comic and a crippled "smut peddler whocares."
No politically correct central casting would've dumped thesepeople on an island together for fear they really might kill eachother.
And they aren't the major players. That group consists of atough-talking state senator, the muscled movie star who can't keephis mouth shut on Oprah, a Latino lieutenant governor with ties toa Mexican separatist group and Governor Davis, who's fighting forhis job by invoking the classic Clintonian "right-wing conspiracy"clause and belittling Arnold's accent.
All of them are fighting to be the sole Survivor who wins thetask of fixing a $38 billion dollar state deficit. Who wouldn'tturn that prize down?
In true "Survivor" fashion, the twists are even more outrageous.Arnold stunned Jay Leno into silence when he announced hiscandidacy on "The Tonight Show." Bustamante bamboozled everyone byasking them to vote "no" on the recall but "yes" for him. Thecandidates' names aren't arranged alphabetically on the ballotthanks to a lottery-style drawing complete with a smiling lady.Finally, the heart stopper: the ACLU convinced the Ninth CircuitCourt that blacks and Latinos weren't capable of punching a holethrough a piece of paper next to their chosen candidate's name.
Suddenly, the mandated election within eighty days got pushedinto March. All the placards were recycled into window coverings asthe candidates settled in for the long haul and scrambled to winenough reward challenges to stay in the game. Didn't see that onecoming. Somewhere Rudy and Jenna are laughing and Aliasscreenwriters are furiously taking notes.
No matter how this ends up, the whole thing has been amazing towatch. Democracy in action makes for compelling television. Noscreenwriter would've dreamt this up but they're kicking themselvesfor not thinking of it.
Forget about the new TV season's premieres; this recall's whereit's at. We get to watch 130 people battle for control over theworld's fifth largest economy instead of six nitwits in a coffeeshop.
Then again, California could do it all over again ... anybodyfor a sequel?
Write to Jeff at mannedarena@yahoo.com
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