The presidential primaries are gearing up. Election 2004 is a mere sixteen months away. The post-9/11 apathy is washing off; the patriotism is getting a little brittle.
People are starting to think again. We have an important decision to make in sixteen months. The fate of the universe could depend on it.
Ask yourself this very important question: "If we made contact with extraterrestrial beings from another world, would George W. Bush be the best man for the job?"
I think not.
Before you brush this off as a lame humor-jab at our doofy head of state, consider the very real possibility that Mulder was right all along. Before Sept. 11, people said, "Nobody could ever fly a plane into the World Trade Center! Impossible!" It happened.
These same people now say, "Aliens could never land on earth! Impossible!" Well, it could happen!
Let us not make the same assumptions twice. Let us assume instead that we will make first contact with aliens before 2008 . Our next president will have to deal with this cosmic encounter. For argument's sake, we'll assume the aliens are from Mars.
The very real possibility that George W. Bush could be the first Earthling to speak with beings from another planet scares me to a different underpants color. He can't even speak English. I dare say he could never achieve mastery level in Martian.
The real threat to the aliens that would land on earth, however, is not George W. Bush. It is his administration.
Attorney General John Ashcroft would be quick to ensure that the Martians would not receive the same basic rights as humans. He would label them a threat to national security and wiretap their space phones. Added to the "enemy combatant" court status would be "Filthy Alien Scum."
There is little doubt that two words would come to Donald Rumsfeld's mind if he saw an alien spaceship: "target practice." Rod Steiger in "Mars Attacks!" anyone?
Even if the Martians were a peace-loving culture of intellect and understanding, I believe the current administration would still manage to goof it up. They have not shown interest in any sort of compromise whatsoever when it comes to dealing with foreign nations. What's to make us believe it wouldn't walk away from an interstellar treaty of even greater importance?
God forbid President Bush shows the Martians how to eat Earthling food. He'd choke them all!
Eventually the "Magic Cabinet" would convince "Dubnoccio" that in order to be a real president. it would be necessary to remove the Martian King (who hadn't even attacked Earth) and install a more American-friendly ruler over the simple peoples of Mars. (Martian space-oil contracts are a bonus prize, of course.) We would invade Mars with little foresight or preplanning on how to govern the Red Planet post-invasion.
While Bush Administration was fumbling around trying to figure out how to govern a distant planet with a culture totally unlike our own, terrorist networks from across the galaxy would slip into Mars' orbit unchecked and unpoliced. Then the terrorists-in-orbit would bomb the UN Embassy on Mars.
Golly gee, Mr. Wizard, that sure does sound familiar!
The time is now to start thinking about Election 2004. This is an important one. The fate of the universe could depend on it.
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