Gerry: Your two favorite columnists, in one adventure together!
Aleshia: You read it right: Wit and wisdom join forces for the first time to form a ragtag duo dedicated to making the world a better (or at least less monotonous) place to live. And thanks to Gerry's graduation, it will also be the last.
Gerry: Alas, she is correct. My graduation is impending, so this will be our only joint effort. I will always cherish it.
Aleshia: Despite the sarcastic commentary of our co-hero, Gerry is graduating in July as opposed to May. This is because Mr. Appel has an unhealthy addiction to Ball State and is looking for every excuse to stay as long possible. Gerry also has an unhealthy addiction to red All-Star high tops, though it is largely irrelevant.
Gerry: You know, I also have a pair of black All-Star high tops -- hey, wait a minute. Can we stay on track here? I'm not addicted to Ball State, as my naive counterpart claims. It's just taking me longer than I expected to finish my thesis. Yeah, that's it.
Aleshia: Gerry is in a state of denial much like that of Vanilla Ice and his recent attempt to be, yet again, cool. Also, this is his sixth year at Ball State including his undergraduate work, so he is extraordinarily old.
Gerry: That's correct, my trusty teenage sidekick. I'm old enough to remember Vanilla Ice's cameo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II. Ninja ninja rap, baby. I bet if Vanilla Ice went to Ball State, he would still have a successful rapping career. He could write muses about the classy smokestacks on top of West Quad, the giant potholes in the street formerly known as Bethel, or that big phallic symbol in the middle of McKinley.
Mr. Ice is actually my inspiration for spending a quarter of my life here (six years at Ball State means I'm 24 years old, for the mathematically challenged). It can now be told ---áfor the past half-decade plus, I have been gathering information for my aspiring rap career. Just call me G. Diddy, yo.
Aleshia: My IQ has just dropped into the negative regions, so we will have no more ominous commentary. I apologize for my co-hero: Graduation does bizarre things to one's psyche.
Gerry: There is nothing wrong with my psyche. It's not like I'm thinking of ways to stay at Ball State for another six years or so.
Aleshia: Well, if you need some ideas, I hear Parking Services is hiring.
Gerry: Now, Aleshia, be nice to the Parking Services employees. It's not their fault they feel the need to annoy and tick off every single student, staff member and visitor to step foot onto our lovely, constantly rain-soaked campus. While I don't think I am cruel enough to work for Parking Services, you may be onto something -- you've caught me. Time to come clean. I don't want to leave Ball State. Please, my beautiful humor companion, inspire with ideas so I may spend more glorious time at this fine institution.
Aleshia: As much as I would love to think of ways to further humiliate you, my crime-fighting compadre, it appears as though we have reached, with teamwork and cooperation, our word limit.
Gerry: Word limit? Aleshia, our savvy journalistic skills know no limit.
Aleshia: Truer words were never spoken. In conclusion, goodbye, grads! You will be missed.
Gerry: Yo man, let's get out of here. Word to your mother.
Write to Gerry at gerryappel@hotmail.com
Write to Aleshia at aahaselden@bsu.edu
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