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| Aleshia Haselden is a sophomore journalism education major and writes 'The Price of Tea in China' for the Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. |
In the interest of being philanthropic, I thought I would take this time to warn you, the Spring Break road-tripper, about the many hazards of the open road such as bad weather, small animals, and the Volkswagen Beetle.
Fact: Although most college students are 18 and older, many still insist upon playing "Slug Bug." I have also heard this game referred to as "Punch Buggy." The rules are as follows:
Person A sees a Volkswagen Beetle, says "Slug Bug!" and socks Person B in the bicep.
Person B shrieks with rage and socks Person A back, only right square in the nose.
Person C, often my mother, says, "Don't MAKE me pull this car over, back there!"
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Of course, this is a crude version of the game. In the version with which most are familiar, one must also announce the color of the car. Once while I was visiting my cousin Samantha in California, she informed me that Beetles are so plentiful that Person A must announce a three-word color before he/she is permitted to wallop Person B, for example "fire engine red" instead of just plain "red", although I suppose if Person A said "just plain red" that would count.
Person A must also say "no returns" (variation: "no slug backs") to shield him/herself from being hit by Person B for the same Beetle. Lord only knows why Person B would attempt to do this because everyone knows using the same Beetle twice right in a row is not allowed. If Person B does, in fact, hit Person A back after a "no returns" claim, then Person A is allowed a free hit.
And, word on the street (or highway, for that matter), some play in such a way that Person A automatically gets two hits for a VW convertible. New Beetles may or may not count depending on exactly how hard core a "Slug Bug" player Person A is.
The problem with "Slug Bug," as if being obnoxious were not enough, is that it turns into a violent boxing match of death. For example, in the summer of '01 I spent much of my time with my friend Jared. To my everlasting shame, I initiated "Slug Bug" one day in the car. Determined to get me back, Jared balled his fist and hovered over my arm while scouring the road for another Beetle. Finally, he saw one and gave me the slugging of a lifetime, but his so-called "Slug Bug" turned out to be a VW Jetta.
When this sort of thing happens, Person B has every right to randomly hit Person A while shouting things like, "Slug Bug! Red! No returns! Oh, that was a fire hydrant. Silly me!"
Recently I visited www.crashproductions.com.au/slugbug where there is an intricate system of points and rules for "Slug Bug." Crash Productions states that in an adult game of "Slug Bug" (this seems to be an oxymoron), points must be kept instead of actually slugging the other person. The "prize" for "winning" should be merely the satisfaction.
I ask you, in a game in which violence is not only the answer but the objective, who really "wins?"
My money is on the person who says "no returns."
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