Non-smoking, athletic male, 28 years old, college-educated, 185 lbs., likes long romantic walks, seeks young woman (22-29 years old) in D.C. metro area who wishes to live in the spirit of the eternal.
Although this personal ad seems like any other ad you'll come across, it turns out this ad is from someone special: Jesus. Although the owner of the Web site www.datejesus.com acknowledges Jesus isn't his real name, that's the name he prefers to be called and believes he has created the most extravagant personal ad in the history of civilization. Without a doubt, we agree.
How do you know if you're compatible to actually go on a date with Jesus? Jesus offers a simple solution - a compatibility quiz.
Much like a quiz found in teen magazines, the simple, 24-question quiz offers insight into both the quiz taker and Jesus. To better your chances to go on a date with Jesus, it's recommended you attach a picture.
A sample question from his quiz: "You think Jesus is: a) a sex symbol, b) an interesting guy, c) a celebrity, d) a Middle Eastern religious teacher."
After the date, Jesus says, "Hey, wanna go back to my place?" Is he talking about Heaven or his house in the suburbs?
So maybe you glanced over the quiz and decided a date with Jesus isn't for you. That's okay too. We can understand the anxiety and hesitance one must face when dating Jesus. Just imagine all the people staring and whispering. Would Jesus save a few bucks, order water and then turn it into wine?
Aside from dating Jesus, datejesus.com offers young women in the D.C. metro area the opportunity to bathe with Jesus. The Web site offers benefits: "Not only will you make a new friend, but you will be supporting good hygiene and benefiting the environment by conserving water. There are no strings attached except that a picture of us, suitable for family viewing will be taken and placed on this Web site."
Technically, would the bath water be considered holy water after bathing?
The Web site further states, "In most cases Jesus will be available and eager to speak to you about spirituality if desired. If you are not spiritual, Jesus will share a beer and pleasant existential banter."
It should be noted that a shower may be exchanged for a bubble bath upon request.
To complete the datejesus.com experience, there is a merchandise section. He has a few shirts, hats, mouse pads and a variety of other memorabilia. After all, how could you live without a picture of Jesus playing a cello, with the caption underneath saying, "I Am A Cellist God"?
Final Thought: If you want to date Jesus, you better do so soon - he only has a few more years left.
Write to Kevin and Mat at twobsuguys@yahoo.com
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