There are plenty of famous road games students play while driving along in their '89 Oldsmobile Cutlass - the one that coughs like emphysema and drips fluid like an old person.
"Punch Buggy" (or "Slug Bug" to some) is a great bruiser, especially since Volkswagen couldn't produce enough of the Beetles when they were re-introduced in the late '90s. See a Beetle, scream "Punch Bug (insert color)" and slam your clenched fist into the shoulder or breast of the person riding next to you.
What a howler - for both you and the person moaning in agony.
Another favorite is when an automobile drives past with only one headlight and everyone in the car screams "beer" and hits the roof.
The other popular game is to scream through a yellow light in suspense while trying to avoid runs in your underwear, and then smacking the dashboard and crying out "perdiddle."
Of course, the rules to these games are different with each driver or drivee, much like Monopoly and Uno when played with different families.
But, alas, the most famous game while driving doesn't have a standard set of rules, and I think it's due time that someone sat down and figured them out.
It's the game that uses the point system. You know, "Oh, an old woman hobbling along the street with one leg, a cane, a dog and a grocery bag. Hit her. She's at least 50 points."
Hold on there.
The point system has never been worked out while playing this game, and it's about time to figure out some kind of strategy.
Hello, you should all know that an old woman by herself is worth more than just 50 points, especially if she has one leg, a cane, a dog and a grocery bag - if you've just scored 50 points, then you've missed all the point accumulation that could've happened.
We're playing to win here, people. If you can get the points, don't dillydaddle.
Anyway, all things in the game can have points - there is no limit - and with that said, I cannot possibly capture all the different point variations, but I will start us off with a few.
For example, a person is always worth 10 points if you hit him. The type of person, though, can add to the points. Take the old woman, for example. She's old - so that's an easy 10 points right there because she's a person, but she's also old, so that is another 50 points. The older a person is, the higher the points.
Now, the lady had one leg - that's definitely special - so slap on another 50 points. Any abnormality should get about 50 points. She's carrying a cane, and since she's using a prop, add another 10 points. The dog is at least 25 points by itself. The woman also has a bag of groceries. Let's say that's a prop as well, so give it 10 points.
Now add up the total, and we've got 145 points right there.
Whoo-wee.
If it was just some random college student crossing the street, then that would've been a lousy 10 points. We have to play to win, right?
Granted, that example was greatly exaggerated, but if you don't agree with my example and need more rules, they should be discussed in a jury-like state with fellow passengers to decide the different point values.
Play hard.
Write to Evan at emann@mr-potatohead.com
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