Charmingly Dishevelled: Poor mass media plagues culture; use discretion

History has seen hundreds of inimitable crusaders. Depending on whose side you are on, the list of worthy role model revolutionaries can include beloved figures like Jesus or Martin Luther King, Jr.

You might even pencil in freedom fighters like John Lennon, Patrick Henry or Larry Flynt. I'm sure there are others.

But you probably wouldn't add me to such a list.

I've yet to gain historical regard for my social benevolence or anti-materialism rhetoric. But, I am in the initial stages of planning a worldwide coalition -- a specific social movement designed to better humanity by removing meaningless, mindless drivel (you know: Disturbed, "American Idol," Lil' Romeo, anything starring Sarah Michelle Gellar) from televisions, radios, movie screens and billboards.

While I've yet to recruit any supporters, I can sense a subversive bubbling eager to eliminate such dismissable entertainment.

After months of tedious, detailed market research, I've collected my thoughts into several manifestoes and I'm declaring my intention to found "People for the Removal of Vacuous Entertainment," or, as it has been affectionately dubbed, "P.R.O.V.E."

My -- well, our mission is to aggressively pressure record executives, advertisers and film and television producers to give us something worthwhile. We have been continuously force-fed this soulless, clich?d trash disguised as entertainment and we are tired of it.

However, P.R.O.V.E. realizes art and entertainment do not have to be cathartic, intelligent and proactive all the time. We do believe we deserve more than the insipid quantity of beer references, unsuccessful anger management techniques, breasts close-ups and sex jokes currently overwhelming MTV programming, WB sitcoms, Billboard charts and Top 40 radio play lists.

P.R.O.V.E. doesn't want to appear whiny, but we are concerned. Maybe it's just us, but either people have run out of good ideas or people are ignoring good ideas. There are still films, bands and television programs that matter and are interesting and there always will be. But, it seems having the ability to sing or act or dance no longer matters.

If you have good genetics, a high metabolism and don't mind having your shirtless body on every magazine and in every commercial, you'll be a star. More: P.R.O.V.E. doesn't consider itself an entertainment authority or even "the cool people" but it doesn't think semi-attractive idiots who stop being polite and start getting real are interesting, unique or worthy of fame.

There is a reason Steven Spielberg, David Bowie, Jerry Seinfeld or even Eminem is famous -- talent. Andy Warhol said, "In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." He's right. If you are willing to let cameras film you stapling your testicles to your leg, you can be a movie star.

Just ask Steve-O.

So this is a call. P.R.O.V.E. is seeking willing members to help eliminate waste material like "The Man Show" and Nickelback and "The Bachelor" and "Girls Gone Wild!" and B2K and Papa Roach and "Cribs" and Saliva and dating shows and self-aggrandizing rock bands and trite reality programming and most music videos and pretty much the entire E! network.

Remember: No more will our remote controls determine our identity. No more will our self-esteems be washed down the drain with blonde hair dye. No more will our personalities melt into demographical stereotypes. No more will our minds feign satisfaction. No more! No more!

Write to Allyn at


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