It's that bizarre time of the year -- again.
The winter solstice has yet to happen, but nonetheless, it's 23 degrees out and snow drifts. Christmas isn't exactly around the corner, but it's celebrated before Thanksgiving -- actually, to be precise, the holiday season begins a couple weeks right before Halloween.
Instead of greeting "Happy Holidays" we should be screaming from our rooftops "Happy Hallmark." We all know that a holiday isn't complete without turning the card over and realizing it's from our favorite greeting card monopoly.
Don't I sound like the Grinch?
Which makes me think -- wasn't Dr. Seuss's book "The Grinch That Stole Christmas" speaking out against the commercialization of the holiday season? And what have we done? Well, we've commercialized that too: an animated, live-action movie starring Jim Carrey with action figures, kiddie meal toys at fast food joints, books on tape, coloring books, kiddie sweatshirts, Velcro shoes, socks, band-aids, and I'm sure there's toilet paper out there somewhere. We might as well wipe with the evil that tarnishes the spirit of the holidays.
What also makes this time of year bizarre? My mood is thrown off while watching CNN as they produce a news story about the whole Iraq situation, the threats of an attack, the U.N. inspectors making their rounds, the war on terrorism, the less than booming economy and then, they transition all that depression into some holiday story.
How on Earth?
"Well, it looks like hell's about to break loose all over the world," made-up news-anchor woman said. "But apparently it hasn't shot down people's spirits while shopping the day after Thanksgiving."
Footage is then cut from parents upset about their children called up for military leave, destination unknown, to shoppers creating anarchy at Best Buy. I watched as a reporter shoved a microphone into a woman's face and she was like, "This is my first time I've got up this early to shop after Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't pass up the price for this Karaoke machine."
Ugh, who cares?
There's no way around it, and reporters cover it the same every season.
Since it's that bizarre time of year, give us the meaty stories. We don't want to hear speculations about terrorism and if Saddam has gained weight -- that all sounds the same. We don't want to hear about shoppers getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to buy a Karaoke machine; we want to hear about that pregnant woman forced into labor because a shopping cart rammed into her.
Oops, someone got a little too excited about Tickle Me Elmo.
I can see it now: next year's two hottest gifts will be Nuclear Meltdown Elmo and Forced Into Labor Barbie.
We need to add more focus to the other winter holidays, too. Hanukah, Ramadan (although it won't be celebrated in the winter in a couple of years) and Kwanzaa need their own selection of tacky sweatshirts and Velcro shoes. We can throw all that into the crazy sass of holiday Chex mix we have at the local Hallmark store.
It's the United States everybody, the great "melting pot," right? And for this time of year, we need to stir things up and just combine all the winter holidays.
Merry Hallowgivingsmas! Happy Ramahanazaa! Celebrate the coming of winter by fasting, wrapping up the turkey, setting it under the Kwanzaa bush and then lighting it on fire eight times while singing Christmas Carols, all of this with the comfort of our Velcro shoes.
Write to Evan at
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
