My Bucket of Parts: Modeling ad prompts debate over attractiveness

What's attractive? Anyone?

Brownies are attractive. Chocolate chip cookies are too. Some prefer a beer -- and it's even more attractive if that beer is in a girl's hand. Certain clothing styles are attractive -- the use of less fabric is a new trend. Flip flops, I think, keep it real. How about the Gap?


It's obvious attraction is due to a chemical balance (or imbalance for others, "I just can't help being attracted to the bad boys"), but point out character traits in people or clothing, and we'll realize that, perhaps, attraction is also opinion.

Some like to swoosh around in gargantuan parachutes from the Pac Sun, other's feel at home wearing grandma's dresses and grandpa's mothball sweaters from Goodwill, some will only let Ralph Lauren touch their skin, and I enjoy, please do not judge me, the Gap.

Hey, I heard that.

This brings me to my story: I was up late one night and I wasn't in the mood to overdose on sleep aids, so I surfed online at clothing stores. I'm going to be a teacher, so I'm always looking around for "teacher clothes," however, I'm not a tie man. Gap tends to be sophisticated enough, but stylish, so I won't look 50. I'm really not in the mood to wear a pair of brown loafers -- and I feel sorry for the 21-year-olds that already find them comfortable.

"How do you like your loafers?"

"I like my loafers with a pair of tapered jeans with an elastic waist band."

If you're 21 and wear loafers, do you smoke cigars, talk naughty politics and pick your nose in cars with tinted windows?

So, anyway, I went to and the first window was an advertisement looking for new models for their print ads. I thought to myself, "Curious," and I clicked my mouse further.

A quick form filled the page prodding the assailant to fill it out (must be 18 to enter, mind you) and there were two questions to answer. I laughed at myself, decided against joining Model Search America like I had planned, and decided an online application was more realistic.

I think it would be fun to see my acne-infested face blown up 1,000 times it's size wearing a T-shirt and a scarf. Would the Gap still sell clothes?

After filling out my obvious information (name, address, phone number, zodiac sign, favorite drink, and so on ...) I answered two questions to further my status as a model.

The first question was "What do you like about Gap?"

My answer: "Pick me, pick me!"

The second question was a toughie. It made me sit down and focus more on my inner Zen:

"Describe your personal style in 25 words or less."

My answer: "I'm a nudist, however, your jeans look comfortable."

And with the help of digital high tech, I attached a photo of myself -- wait, I'll stop there. I actually sent a picture of myself out on the Internet, what was I thinking? I barely even ran it through Photoshop. How am I supposed to win now?

Isn't Photoshop one of the most important aspects of modeling?

Groan. There go any of my chances. I needed to air brush a few spots, change my hair color and make my smile look more devilish.

It looks like I'll be wearing loafers after all.

Write to Evan at


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