Our campus is being invaded by whippersnappers.
And differentiating those that are here for the middle school cheerleading camp and those that are here for orientation is becoming extremely difficult.
Not that the orientation kids look younger (although that might be it as well), but the maturity levels of the kids camps and the incoming freshman are indistinguishable.
The underlying problem is that both groups present themselves in a haughty, pompous manner. They hang out in the Atrium, clogging up lines and act as if they own the place.
This is expected from adolescents. Every 13 year old has the right to be a punk. I know I was. Growing up near Bloomington, I used to run around IU acting like a moron and hooting at girls way too old for me.
But by the time you are 18 and attending orientation, you should know that there is a pecking order. And you are at the bottom.
When I was in orientation, I knew I was a loser. But this years batch of freshman are shameless (how dare they).
As the professional wrestler The Rock would say, "Know your role."
When you come to campus as a freshman you lose your status as a "senior studmuffin." You actually lose that the day you graduate.
Here you have to prove your worth all over again. Your coolness is no longer taken for granted by your peers. Accept that fact and move on. The easiest way to be cool again, is to avoid acting like you deserve to be worshipped in college. Nobody really cares about you here. Yet.
I'm not trying to write a whining seniority column about how the last three years of my college career are being tarnished by juvenile delinquents (because they aren't). I'm not going to write about how I've worked so hard to make it to the top (because I haven't) and you can't take it away from me.
I really could care less.
I just want the orientation students to learn to live in harmony with the rest of campus.
So here is some advice, some reminders to help the incoming freshman get through orientation in a respectable manner.
1) Wear some clothes. This mainly goes out to the girls. Save your hoochie outfits for the welcome week frat parties. You're a ringer for a freshman if you are wearing a backless party shirt at noon.
2) When you do wear clothes, don't wear clothes with your high school graduation year on them. As Garth, from Wayne's World, would say, "Live in the now."
3) Remember: You are a dork. Cool people didn't just get done playing goofy icebreakers and name memorization games. This means you cannot say "What's up?" to real students in the AJ building. For clarification purposes, real students are the ones with bags and backpacks who aren't wearing name tags. Which brings us to our next point.
4) No matter where you put your name tag, you are still wearing a name tag. Putting it on your hip does not make you any cooler.
5) Finally, remember that you are not too cool for your parents. In fact at this point in your lives, your parents are cooler than you. Don't worry. That will change.
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