Being the good sports fan I am, I have been trying to watch as much college basketball as possible lately. The NCAA tournament has been exciting with the upsets, and it was fun to follow Ball State in the NIT, but I could not help feeling that something was missing.
Then it came to me. We are missing Slaw's Basketball Movie Stars University.
Always the last team to not make it into either of the postseason tournaments, SBMSU's team is composed of some of the finest talent from basketball movies.
Here's the roster.
Guard: Scott Howard (Teen Wolf) from "Teen Wolf"
As long as he agrees to always come as the Wolf and not push any of that teamwork junk like he did in the movie, he is in the starting lineup.
Guard: Sidney Deane from "White Men Can't Jump"
His game is full of flash, and he is always talking trash. He'll shoot, he'll pass and he'll play for cash. He is good - very good.
Guard: Lola Bunny from "Space Jam"
Where do I begin? She can handle the ball. She has shared the court with and hopefully learned something from Michael Jordan. She is a cartoon, and cartoons don't get hurt. She is a rabbit, and rabbits can jump. She also adds a nice feminine touch to the team.
Forward: Saleh from "The Air Up There."
OK. Maybe he is not the best-known member of the team, but trust me, this African tribal prince can play with the best of them. He is seven feet tall and quick and causes matchup problems against everyone. On top of that, he knows Kevin Bacon.
Center: Neon from "Blue Chips"
Who else would you want in the middle other than Shaq? He is the reason I am comfortable with the whole three-guard lineup thing. Actually, I may just put him on the court alone. I'm fairly confident he can take care of himself out there. Did you see what he tried to do to Brad Miller?
Sixth Man: Buddy from "Air Bud"
He is amazingly agile, nearly impossible to guard, a defensive whiz and a great shooter. With him on the team, there is actually a reason to play "Who Let the Dogs Out." Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
Coach: Norman Dale from "Hoosiers"
I think this is an obvious choice. Sure, maybe his past is a little hazy, but I sincerely believe he has moved past that whole violent stage in his career. If he can take a bunch of small-town, Indiana farm boys to a state title, than he could really cause a stir with this team. Plus, he really looks like coach Jimmy McGinty from "The Replacements," and that guy taught Keanu Reeves to throw a football. Whoa.
So there's the team. Maybe one of these years the NCAA and NIT will open up their minds and hearts to let in a team made up of a werewolf, a hustler, a cartoon bunny, a tribal prince, a soon-to-be rapping genie and a dog. But until then, all we can do is dream.
Write to Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org