Unalienable Rights. Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness. Prudence. A firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence. According to both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, that's America.
Apple Pie. Baseball. Rock 'n' roll. Football. Jazz. Lawyers. Racism. Patriotism. Depending on whom you ask, that's American.
I watched the underdogs beat the 'Greatest Show on Turf' while munching on the SuperTexan's kryptonite (unharmed, I might add) and wondered if the tail was wagging the dog. I have a quandary. I wanted the Patriots to win. Does that make me patriotic? Especially since I only wanted to see the headlines say something like "Brady Bunch beat Marshall Marshall Marshall" or "Long Arm of the Law." No dice with Vinatieri tallying the winning points. I still morally oppose bombing people, (and then dropping food, can't forget how much we're helping out the non-terrorists), while there are problems that face us here. And you wouldn't catch me in red, white and blue unless my creditors offered to wipe the slate clean.
So we had the bastion of capitalism being played a week later. We had football players reading, some very badly, thank-yous to our troops, supposedly in Afghanistan. After watching some of the troops not reacting until cued, I was wondering if for a second the so-called war was over. They could've been at an airport terminal the way the background was hidden for all I knew. We also had a logo redesigned to reflect the patriotic mauling we've been subjected to by well-meaning salespeople. It seems the NFL thought a Mardi Gras theme during Mardi Gras would be disrespectful to our more caring, more empathetic, nation.
Well I still haven't quite figured this new nation out. Supposedly everyone cares more about one another. But road rage hasn't gone down any and the mean guys in LaFollette who cook the cheese sticks (there are two different ones) haven't gotten any nicer. I figure they mean in cities like New York or Chicago, where to care more it means don't be so mean to the guy selling Streetwise (Get a job, Grouch!) or don't push that old lady out the way so you can grab the last subway/bus seat.
I have figured out, however, that patriotism sucks on many levels.
Where were all those patriots during any number of recent national news-garnering events? Or during the University of Michigan Affirmative Action case? By the way, we're still waiting on that Friend of the Court brief, Ball State. Where were all those caring people at Student Government Association, Black Student Association, etc. when the call for a multicultural addition to the university's core curriculum needed researchers and people willing to speak up? We still need people and you can help out. I'll give you the information myself by e-mail.
Patriotism. Blarg. If it were illegal there couldn't be more of it. The market has been flooded with it. And what's the result? Not positive. Even the black market is being influenced. It seems drug money finances terrorism. I guess the American government has given up its stake in the racket. So there is no need to worry about Congress, only our hiding ol' cousin Osama bin Laden?
Beware. If "government is a health hazard," patriotism is the sugar-cube placebo being offered. The government has been behind just as many illicit activities as the countries it vilifies. Perjury. Extortion. Fraud. The Federal Budget. I agree with P.J. O'Rourke. Maybe the "government should be against the law" along with the foul-weather patriots. Help the grouch get a job. Do something worthwhile, patriot.
Had I run away to Canada like I planned post-November, I might care less. There's cause for joy yet - "Blade 2" is coming.
Write to Aric at ariclewis@hotmail.com
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