Sometimes Cupid hits at the wrong time. You're bending over to pick up something you dropped, his arrow jams right into your butt. You look up in a drunken haze of love and realize every man or woman is delicious.
What happens when that love spell wears off and you realize the person you just met looks better with a paper bag over his or her head?
There's only one solution: You have to give them the pink slip. But rejection is hard - nobody really wants to tell someone, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to be with you anymore." People just hate hurting other people's feelings, especially when you don't want to give them your number.
In New York, there's a way around this humiliating mess. According to www.rejectionline.com, just give the person the number provided on the Web site and apparently, your worries are over. You won't have to talk to the person again. It's called the Rejection Line - a harsh attempt to letting people down the anonymous way.
"Welcome to the New York City Rejection Line," says the pre-recorded message. "Unfortunately, the person who gave you this number doesn't want to talk to you or speak to you again. We would like to take the opportunity to officially reject you."
Once "officially rejected," there's a choice of three certified rejection specialists. There is the comfort specialist, a sad poem written by a "kindred spirit" and a way to "cling to the unrealistic hope that the relationship is still possible."
What a resource - one more convenience to help keep America lazy. It's genius and tragic at the same time that someone would come up with a telephone voice-messaging system to break up with someone for you.
I'm not sure if I really like this new idea of relationships for the new millennium. First you meet someone online, then you begin to send each other pictures (which may not even be the real pictures of the person).
After that, you fall in love through the keyboard (because that's really possible), but just like any relationship, you get angry with your cyber-boyfriend or girlfriend because they don't e-mail you (you begin to feel distance in the relationship).
Then you realize he or she never really loved you because he or she has been having cyber-sex with 20 other people online (and who knows if they're really men or women, right?).
You decide one day you want to exchange numbers to talk your "problems" out instead of using e-mail and Instant Messenger. All you have to do is give them the number to the Rejection Line and your "relationship" is over.
But that scenario is taking the ideal behind this to a far extreme.
Although, searching through the Web site, it said the services would not be extended outside the New York City limits. This means, if you give out the number in Indiana or any other part of the country, it's your "cell phone number."
Happy Valentine's Day, right?
Ring ring. "Hello, you've reached the Rejection Line..."
Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?
Write to Evan at emann@mrpotatohead.com
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