At last, here comes Spider-Man.
Surely you've seen the phenomenal "Spider-Man" trailer that ran with "Lord of the Rings." (You did see "Lord of the Rings," didn't you? Shame on you if you didn't.) You may breathe a sigh of relief, for we will soon see Spider-Man on the silver screen.
I've been waiting for this for a very long time. Ever since I was a little kid wearing Spidey Underoos, there were rumors of a Spider-Man movie. But, like the Great Pumpkin on Halloween, the movie never came.
We have Menahem Golan and James Cameron to thank for that. No, Menahem Golan is not a Marvel Comics super-villain; he is a Hollywood super-villain. But he has a funny name, so I will call him "Golan the Destroyer" henceforth.
The studio rights for Spider-Man were sold to Golan in 1985 for $225,000. The contract had a special clause saying that, no matter what happened, Golan would receive producer credits for the eventual "Spider-Man" movie. The Destroyer then signed James Cameron to write and direct. In a hurry to get Cameron signed, Golan's studio copied the "Terminator 2" contract word-for word, substituting "Spider-Man" for "Terminator 2."
The "Terminator 2" contract stated that Cameron would receive exclusive producer credits. This angered Golan the Destroyer. Even worse, MGM had an exclusive deal on Cameron's script treatment. To top it all off, before signing Cameron, Golan sold the television and distribution rights to Viacom and Columbia-Tri Star (who eventually sold distribution rights to Sony). So, who owned the rights? It all came to a head in a nine-year legal battle that was more confusing than an X-Men alternate timeline.
When courtroom dust cleared, Sony had grabbed the studio and distribution rights and subsequently placed the film on the fast-track. Golan was last seen in Hades, pushing a boulder up a rather large hill.
Curse you to suspended animation, Golan the Destroyer. You made me wait nine years.
Spider-Man is not the first Marvel property to be brought to film. Before "Blade" and the "X-Men" became cinematic successes, there was a host of bad Marvel films.
In 1989, some genius cast Dolph Lundgren as The Punisher. In 1992, they gave Captain America elf-ears. In 1993 they made a Fantastic Four movie so awful that 20th Century Fox refused to release it.
Needless to say, fans became nervous (and angry) when word got out on the Internet that, for the film, Spider-Man's web-shooters would be organic (not mechanical). That was when I stopped wearing my Spider-Man Underoos.
You may think organic web-shooters are a trivial matter of no import, but they are essential to Peter Parker's character. Parker's ability to build his own web-shooters shows us he is highly intelligent and inventive. Anybody can get bit by a radioactive spider, but only Peter Parker could devise a chemically-simulated web formula that ejects from a wrist-mounted device.
That was not the worst of it, however. Spy photos of the Green Goblin's costume had us all confused. Was Spider-Man going to be fighting the Green Goblin, or a Go-Bot? The wildly inaccurate interpretation of Norman Osborn's costume caused all sorts of commotion among the comic-reading community.
Things were beginning to look hairy for our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. It looked as though the web-slinger was destined for failure. That was before the new trailer was released.
Oh, wow.
The CGI looks great. Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker looks great. Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane looks, well, let's just say there was a collective tingling of spider-senses among males in my demographic when the trailer debuted.
Besides, Sam Raimi is directing. This is the man who brought us "Evil Dead," "Evil Dead 2," and "Army of Darkness." "Army of Darkness!" I just have to keep telling myself that Spider-Man is in good hands. Despite the tangled-web of legal battles, things seem to have turned out all right.
But if they don't, I'm blaming Golan the Destroyer. Curse his name!
Write to Ben at bbmcshane@bsu.edu
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