Yes, Virginia, Kevin is gay and Mat is a straight ally.
Now that we have the minor details taken care of, we can tackle the more intriguing aspects of our lives. We feel it necessary to introduce ourselves in a question/answer format. The trick is to decide which set of responses belongs to which writer, Kevin or Mat. If you go by stereotypes, you may be misled -- or will you? We call it, "The Queer and Ally Q & A."
1. Who is your favorite band/artist?
a. Styx, because I have been raised with "Come Sail Away" in the background and, for old guys, they are extremely youthful on stage (not to mention the "Pieces of Eight" album).
b. Christina Aguilera has a wide vocal range and, not to mention, I wake up in the morning looking into her belly button (I have a 6-foot cardboard cutout of her beside my bed).
2. When was the last time you wore panty hose?
a. Halloween 2000. I went as a girl for a last-minute costume. It wasn't my first choice because people always go in drag now, but I waited too long so I just did it. This past year I went as the international date
b. I have no desire to wear panty hose, although I did receive a pair of jet black in the mail last year as a joke.
3. What are you wearing?
a. Long sleeve Old Navy shirt and jeans.
b. Green Abercrombie sweater (on clearance) and American Eagle jeans.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
a. "The Simpsons." The show is brilliant. It's amazing that it has stayed at the top for so many years (never "jumping the shark" as it were). I couldn't imagine a better show.
b. "The View" has a nice mix of hosts and guests. Barbara Walters takes the cake when it comes to respected television journalists.
5. What would you do with $1000?
a. First, I would buy a Game Cube and Madden 2002. The rest would go to bills.
b. Head to the mall and find a pair of brown, look-a-like bowling shoes.
6. What do you have in your wallet?
a. Pictures of my significant other and friends. I also have money for books (but by the time you read this, it will be spent, so don't rob me).
b. A couple dead presidents, IDs and bank cards.
7. Where do you get your hair cut?
a. Big League Barbers, because they wash and cut your hair then give you a back massage for $13. On top of it all, they have satellite television.
b. I only trust Emily at Shear Style with my hair.
8. What brand of shampoo do you use?
a. I took Herbal Essences from my house.
b. Clairol Daily Defense for color-treated hair.
9. Who is your favorite rapper?
a. The Notorious B.I.G. because when "Ready to Die" came out I bought it; and it's still one I listen to frequently.
b. Li'l Kim has attitude, style and commands attention when she is on stage.
10. What is your favorite magazine?
a. I don't read many magazines, but if I did, Entertainment Weekly because I like to be entertained.
b. The Abercrombie & Fitch quarterly because it requires a license to purchase, not because of the sizzling styles, but because of the partial nudity.
11. What is your favorite professional sports team?
a. The New England Patriots
b. The Chicago Cubs
Have you figured out who is the Christina Aguilera-loving, Abercrombie-wearing, "View"-watching, Cubs fan? If not, have no fear, we'll tell you. Drum
roll please... it's Kevin. For all the ladies out there who are disappointed because they thought they found their dream guy, well -- you did. So, next time you see a guy wearing Abercrombie or a pair of panty hose, assume nothing and ask them out on a date (except Mat, because he has a girlfriend).
Write to Mat and Kevin at Twobsuguys@yahoo.com.