I regret to inform you that this will be the very last installment-EVER-of Satan Speaks. After a year and a half of trying everything I could to entertain the masses of Daily News readers, I have decided that this column has pretty much lost it's edge and gone stale.
It's gotten to the point that writing bores me, and I just don't have the energy anymore. I hope that some of you enjoyed some of what I had to say, some of you questioned, and some of you were just downright appalled. If I got anywhere in that range of reactions, I can die a happy man.
Because writing shouldn't be safe and easy to process. None of it should be planned. It should just be the+â-ªquickest route between one person's brainpan and a piece of paper, with almost no barriers or blockages in between. I have NEVER stopped to consider, not once, the ultimate value of anything I have written, which may be why these columns come out so uneven.
But enough about me.
Some of you have sent in some intriguing responses. One individual asked+â-ªif "someone could please put Mr. Baker out of his misery." I really love that. That one is going on my tombstone.
A fellow named Shawn wrote and said, " I hate punk rock and I wish Johnny Rotten would disappear off the face of the earth." This left me befuddled. When did I ever mention Johnny Rotten in a column?
Then there was my all-time favorite letter-to-the editor, last year, by a Miss Watson who claimed that I+â-ªwas "the type of person that would kick someone contemplating suicide off of a cliff and then say that I had done them a favor." This has got to be the most grandiose statement ever made about yours truly, something I might like+â-ª as a blurb on the cover of my first book, assuming I ever actually write one. She went on to add that I had "gross and disgusting fixations with genitalia and pornography," a charge that I categorically remain noncommittal about.
I guess in all I have had fun being the most hated columnist, or the most pitied, or the one that everyone thinks (according to what friends tell me) is just plain "mean". I don't care what you think about me, you are probably wrong. But thank you for all the feedback, and I hope I made your paper-reading more interesting.
I guess I should wrap-up with something profound, but I can't really think of anything, so I'll leave you with a line from an Operation Ivy song:
To resist despair in this world, is what it is to be free
Write to Ben at firstname.lastname@example.org.