Allie Kirkman is a freshman news journalism major and writes 'AK's Opinion" for the Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. Write to Allie at aekirkman@bsu.edu.
Dear Mom,
You have been in my thoughts a lot lately as March 30, World Bipolar Day, is approaching. I kind of hinted the other day I was going to be writing a “story” about you but we didn’t get into the nitty-gritty as to what it would be. So, surprise!
I thought I would write an open letter in response to the significant impact you and this disorder have had on my life. Before I start this, just know I am sharing our story and our experiences with bipolar disorder to do something all the statistics can’t — put a face to the disorder.
Each person experiences a mood disorder differently, but at the end of the day it is important to realize that this disorder does not define a person. Those with bipolar disorder do not choose to be the way they are. They do not choose to experience the extreme ups and downs and periodic episodes. They do not choose to act in a way which can damage relationships, jobs and educational goals. They do not choose to be placed in a category or statistics. It's the disorder — not the person. This is what I have learned, and that's what I want everyone to learn.
You and I have been through so much. Hell and back more than once. Your disorder has not always made life an easy thing. Sometimes, it felt like I had two different moms. Mom today could be completely different from Mom tomorrow.
I watched your disorder put you through some extreme highs and extreme lows. Your mood would shift. Your energy would shift. Your activity level would shift. You could go from crazy happy to dramatically depressed in a matter of days. Your disorder always felt like a guessing game I was constantly going into blind.
For the longest time, I just didn't get it. I couldn’t understand why the medication and the counseling wasn’t changing you. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this isn’t something we can just flip on and off.
But you know what I’ve learned, Mom? I’ve learned I don’t have to understand because having bipolar disorder is not your fault, and more importantly, I’ve learned bipolar disorder does not define who you are.
You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not damaged. You do not deserve to be put down or belittled.
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You are unique. You are beautiful. You are strong. You deserve nothing but absolute happiness in life.
You amaze me. You are courageous, talented and have one of the biggest hearts. Your friends love you. Your family loves you. Your kids love you.
Your kids look up to you. You inspire us with your constant strength. You have always sacrificed all you had and put us first. You don’t hide behind the stereotypes and negative stigma that come with your disorder. You prove them wrong.
I wouldn’t change a single thing about you and your bipolar disorder. I wouldn’t change all of the episodes you and I have gone through or the fact that you are my mom.
I am thankful for all the highs and lows that we have gone through together because without those moments, we would not be as close and strong as we are today. You have opened my eyes to so many amazing things and have taught me to never be or feel confined.
Thank you for all you do. Thank you for pushing yourself. Thank you for never giving up.
I love you with all my heart.
-Allie
Note to those in a similar situation:
Yes, having a family member with bipolar disorder is hard, but you can be the one who helps them fight it. Counseling and medication are a great way to start. Those with bipolar disorder sometimes, as I have personally experienced, frequently go on and off treatment, so be the one to assure them it is OK to talk to someone and to get help.
Challenge them as a person and hold them responsible for their actions like you would anyone else. They are not monsters because of this. They are normal people like you and me trying to live out their lives day by day. Be that encouragement. Be the light who guides them in the right direction. Be their advocate and stand up against those who try to bring them down. You can't change the disorder, but you can offer support, understanding and hope for your loved one.
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