The Gaggle: Pineapple-beration
(04/09/21 10:00pm)
Ian Roesler is a senior creative writing major and writes “The Gaggle” for The Daily News. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the newspaper.
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Ian Roesler is a senior creative writing major and writes “The Gaggle” for The Daily News. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the newspaper.
Ian Roesler is a senior creative writing major and writes “The Gaggle” for The Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper.
Ian Roesler is a senior creative writing major and writes “The Gaggle” for The Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. Write to Ian at icroesler@bsu.edu
by Ian Roesler The world’s greatest holiday is happening on April 11. It’s not Christmas. It’s not Thanksgiving. It’s International Louie Louie Day! A day celebrating one of the most influential and covered songs in history and of special note, “Louie, Louie” has an odd connection with Indiana. However, we’ve got some history to start with first. In the beginning The most famous version is the one sung by the Kingsmen; however, they didn’t write it. The man who wrote it was none other than Richard Berry, brother of Chuck Berry. Richard Berry was born April 11, 1935, in Extension, Louisiana. He released “Louie, Louie” in April 1957. It wouldn’t be until six years later, also in April, that the Kingsmen would record the famous version we all know today. The Kingsmen The Kingsmen was a garage rock band from Portland, Oregon. They formed in the 1960s. Their version of the song was recorded in one take. They thought that they would have another opportunity to record but it was released as it was. The song is known for its garbled and at times hard to understand lyrics. This is the result of the lead singer, Jack Ely, wearing braces and the microphone hanging from the ceiling. Also, after the guitar solo, Ely sings a word too early and then stops to wait for the correct time. As a result, drummer Lynn Easton performs a fill before the song gets back on track. Also, at 55 seconds Easton drops a drumstick and if you listen closely he can be heard yelling “f---.” FBI investigation and Indiana ban Due to the hard to understand lyrics of the Kingsmen, people became suspicious. This prompted the FBI to launch an investigation into the true lyrics. Nevermind the fact that they could have asked Richard Berry or Jack Ely. This lasted for a few months in 1964. Matthew Welsh was the Governor of Indiana during the early 60s. He received a letter from two teens about the lyrics and decided to ban it. Following the outrage of possibly obscene lyrics, then-Governor Welsh of Indiana banned “Louie, Louie” from the airwaves. However, not all incidents involving “Louie, Louie” ran afoul of the law. Other Incidents There have been many miscellaneous incidents in the history of “Louie, Louie.” To start with, there were a couple of “Louie, Louie” marathons. The first one was held by Berkeley-based radio station, KALX. They played different versions for 24 hours. In response to this as a form of friendly rivalry, the radio station KFJC based in Los Altos, had an event called Maximum Louie Louie, where they played over 800 versions for a total of 63 hours. Just imagine listening to the world’s greatest song for 63 hours. Blissful, just blissful. The first “Louie Louie Day” was held April 12, 1985, in Washington state. A year later, Oregon followed suit. The one in Washington was held as a response to a campaign to jokingly change it to the state song. Sadly, the campaign didn’t work out. It did, however, bring to fruition my favorite holiday. Sources: FBI, IndyStar, LLAMAS, Radio Survivor, The Louie Report, YouTube Images: YouTube, Music History Calendar Featured Image: McKenna Kolb
The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board.
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte's editorial board. Once again YouTube is in another fiasco. And once again it’s not a good one. YouTube is currently in its second Adpocalypse. What’s that you ask? It’s where advertisers pull their ads from YouTube on videos that they deem inappropriate, i.e. not family-friendly. They do this so a brand doesn’t get associated with something that could harm the business. The first Adpocalypse was in the summer of 2017 and concerned racist content as the website Wikitubia documents. The second Adpocalypse began in February when Matt Watson released a video about pedophiles on YouTube. Since then, he has released several more videos discussing the subject. In his initial video, he asked that companies remove their advertisements and thus the second Adpocalypse hath begun. Matt Watson (aka the guy who started adpocalypse 2) just made a super self-righteous and unapologetic response to this on reddit. The nerve of this guyhttps://t.co/SoFpeFmvcj pic.twitter.com/BFb97WOvgq — Josh (@Bowblax) February 25, 2019 The YouTube community has been outraged by both Matt Watson’s video and the actions that YouTube has taken. As Wikitubia has also explained, several companies such as Hasbro, Epic Games, and Nestle have already pulled their advertisements. This has had a negative impact on content creators because when advertisers pull their advertisements, the creators don’t receive any money. The way that advertising works is if the video is family-friendly, YouTube will allow advertisements on it. If it’s not family-friendly, then they don’t allow ads on it. However, no advertisers means no advertisements. This would be a big problem if your livelihood happens to depend on ad revenue. The pedophiles on YouTube are time-stamping videos of children or putting links into the comments. Another tactic being used is the deletion of comments, not just individual comments, but sometimes whole comment sections. This is primarily on videos that involve children. I feel that this is a mixed bag. It is a good idea as it removes a platform for pedophiles to easily draw attention to sections of an innocent video involving children; however, on the other end of the spectrum, it silences others from voicing their opinion or providing commentary on the video they’ve recently watched. For instance, they may offer words of encouragement or other positive comments. I believe that Matt Watson had good intentions bringing to light an issue hiding in plain sight, but the situation could’ve been handled differently. He called for advertisers to remove ads, which they did, which in turn affected the livelihoods of many YouTubers. His heart was in the right place, and it did cause YouTube to more closely monitor what’s going on underneath their nose. A possible solution could’ve been to discuss the matter with YouTube in private. Would this have still garnered a rapid response from them and the necessary actions? Or would it have been swept under the rug? On the one hand, removing a platform for pedophiles to discuss and timestamp videos is effective in its goal; however, this comes with collateral, namely the nonpedophiles. Now they are unable to comment on videos or even view the previous comments left behind. All actions, even those for the greater good, can have negative or unforeseen consequences The best thing that YouTube did is that they contacted the authorities and reported suspicious accounts. Here’s hoping the situation gets resolved. Sources: Mashable, New York Times, Twitter, YouTube, Wikitubia Images: Twitter, New York Times Featured Image: Katherine Sinkovics
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte's editorial board. Machinima was a company that specialized in video game related content entertainment. Let’s start with a brief overview before detailing the decline. Machinima first began in the distant past of January 2000. The name comes from a portmanteau of “machine” and “cinema.” They had a popular Youtube channel that they started in the early days of Youtube. Machinima was important because they helped to popularize video game entertainment that was beyond just playing video games. Many famous Youtubers worked for Machinima, such as Darksyde Phil and Maximilian Dood. In addition they also had their own original shows. I highly recommend Mortal Kombat: Legacy. Check it out on Steam. Machinima was not without its controversies, however. The biggest controversy concerning Machinima was regarding the contracts its creators were under. Some of the stipulations in the contract that creators signed was that Machinima held the rights to the videos that content creators uploaded for life. Also, in the contract was that they could advertise on videos, but the creators got a percentage of the profits. So, that kinda evens it out in a way. Sure, you don’t have ownership of the content you worked hard to create, but you get a percentage of the profits. Always read your contracts carefully, folks. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="1275"] Image from Imgur[/caption] Currently Machinima has 12 million subscribers and all of its videos set to private. They were acquired by Warner in 2016, and just recently Warner was acquired by AT&T. Technically, Machinima was acquired by Otter Media which is owned by AT&T. But back to Machinima, the reason why all their videos have been set to private is that they stated that new content will be put up on new channels instead. Machinima was on a decline when they were bought. Understandably, creators were not happy. All that content just gone. I don’t have much experience managing a billion-dollar company. Just recently they laid off 81 employees. The website is still up and you can still apply for a job. Some of the perks include dental and activities led by the “Fun Police.” The way that things are it remains to be seen what will ultimately become of Machinima. However, I do have some theories as to what may happen. The first theory is that Machinima may go the way of the dodo. For reasons that I will discuss later, I believe that this one is the least likely. I don’t see much recent evidence to support this, if this is the case however, they must be doing some hardcore trolling before the end. My next theory is closely related to the first. Machinima will still exist, however it’ll exist in a sort of limbo. It’ll stay in its current state, never being updated. It’ll be just there, existing like a houseplant in a corner. This is the case of another former Internet big name: StumbleUpon. Nowadays, their website redirects to Mix, which is a similar website. This one I feel has more of a possibility of happening. Maybe Machinima will be forgotten amidst all the other companies that AT&T own. Which is seven major ones at the moment. The third and final theory is that Machinima will be rebranded or relaunched. I believe this to be the most likely of my theories. The first evidence to support this is that Machinima has changed their logo from their familiar red to a new green logo. I find it unlikely that a company going out of business would make the effort to change a logo. Albeit, weirder things have happened. Another piece of evidence I would like to mention, or more accurately, re-mention is that their videos still exist in a way. They were set to private for a cost-cutting matter. I imagine that it’d be a lot cheaper to either delete the videos or the channel itself. Or leave them up and continue to collect ad revenue, but potentially continue to pay the creators. Another thing, their Twitter feed was still being updated. As of today their last tweet was three days ago, but it appears that their account was deleted between then and now. Prior to deletion they had tweeted random letters of the alphabet. Also, Rooster Teeth announced that they are going to relaunch some of Machinima’s shows. Rooster Teeth is an entertainment company in a similar vein to Machinima. And guess what? They’re owned by Otter Media as well. So it looks like Machinima will exist in some form or another for the time being. Sources: YouTube, Machinima, StumbleUpon, Internet Archive, Variety, Images: Imgur, Variety Featured Image: Tech Spot
The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board.
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte's editorial board. Airing November 17, 1978, The Star Wars Holiday Special proudly joins the ranks of other beloved Thanksgiving movies such as…there was that one animated movie about time-traveling turkeys and there was…okay, so there’s not many Thanksgiving movies, but there are lots of Star Wars movies. Star Wars needs no introduction—the movies are beloved by many and all are immensely popular…except for one. Whichever one is the latest installment in the franchise. But what if, ladies and gentlemen, there was a movie so bad that the very creator of Star Wars, the man who said “Jar Jar is the key to all this,” disowned it. The Star Wars Holiday Special isn’t a movie. It’s an experience — an avant-garde masterpiece. The overarching story is about Chewbacca and Han going to Kashyyk to be with Chewie’s family to celebrate the Wookie holiday called Life Day. Everyone returned to reprise their roles from A New Hope, except for Kenny Baker (the original R2-D2,) who was replaced with a robot. This movie is a cluster of weird and awful ideas and circumstances. The movie primarily follows Chewbacca’s family as they await his arrival. They are a family of Wookies who are not given subtitles... and the first ten minutes are entirely focused on them. The idea of focusing on Chewie’s family without subtitles was George Lucas’ idea. Peppered throughout the special are various skits that range in levels of weirdness from oddball weird to serial killer weird. Of particular note, when Saun Dann, a merchant on Kashyyk, visits the family and gives everyone gifts. He gives Grandpa Wookie a super softcore porn tape that is very uncomfortable to watch and will stain your soul for an eternity. Producer Mitzie Welch has said that this sequence was intended to be a type of porn. Throughout the movie, there are also multiple song numbers, because Star Wars songs have always been known for their catchy lyrics. There’s one about last call at the Cantina in Mos Eiseley, Carrie Fisher singing about Life Day, and Jefferson Starship performs a song; which I guess kinda makes sense they have the word starship in the name and there are starships in Star Wars. The porn sequence also has singing as well. Cool? This holiday special is a product of its time. It features celebrities who were well known in the 70s and a progressive rock band. The technology in the original trilogy still looks good to this day, like something you could see in the near future. The special, however, is dated in its technological aspects. It turns out that Wookies live in huts modeled on the inside after houses in the 70s. This style includes televisions, furniture, and carpeting. The technology is very different than in the original trilogy. They used holograms in the original trilogy, but here they use TVs. A lot of the plot of this movie is spent watching wookies watch TV, which is regarded as the one and only good part of the special and is the animated segment about halfway through the film. The animation can be trippy at times, but you do get to see Boba Fett riding a space brontosaurus. Yeah, this is Boba Fett’s first-ever appearance. George Lucas famously said whilst at a convention “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it.” about this special. There wasn’t a lot of love or passion put into this film. Carrie Fisher was on another planet so to speak, Harrison Ford didn’t care, and Mark Hamill had been in a car accident before filming. None of the cast is fond of the special and they regret its existence. So, when it comes to watching a Thanksgiving movie just go with the time-traveling turkey movie. Now, when it comes to celebrating Life Day with your family I highly recommend this gem of avant-garde delight. Sources: YouTube, IMDb, Salon Images: YouTube,The Gospel Herald Featured Image: Thrillist
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte's editorial board. I first found out about Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation when I saw a commercial for Starship Troopers 3: Marauder. You could buy all three movies in one case. Naturally I went out, bought it, and then watched it. The first one’s easily the best, but this about isn’t about the first one. Starship Troopers had a budget of $105,000,000 and was an action/adventure satirical movie. The second one came out seven years after the original with a budget of $7,000,000 and is a straight to DVD horror movie. It still continues the story of humanity fighting the Arachnids or “Bugs” as they are referred to throughout the series. Plot The plot is simple. A group of troopers are stranded at an outpost waiting for rescue. Whilst waiting, a new bug is introduced. This one is smaller and controls people by getting inside them, presumably for budgetary reasons. There are warrior bugs in the beginning and at the end. Psychics play a big role in this movie compared to the first. There’s not really much to say about the plot, however it will be discussed later whilst going through the characters later on. The good The character of Captain Dax. He’s a no-nonsense military leader who sacrifices himself at the end. The other character is Private Sahara, she’s one of the psychics in this movie. They’re both the main characters and they’re the best written. That’s about it for the good... The bad Oh, boy. Where to begin? I guess I’ll start with the characters. For the most part they’re forgettable, so I’ll just focus on the ones that have a decent bearing on the plot. There’s a character named General Shepherd. The bugs get inside him and plan on getting to Earth to take over humanity. This information is important to understand the plot, but he doesn’t do anything in the movie besides deliver some inspirational speeches. Lieutenant Pavlov Dill is my hated characters in a movie. He is the most annoying and useless character I have ever seen. He spends most of the moving barking orders at people, I mean, he’s a lieutenant so that’s to be expected. What I’m getting at he’s a boss not a leader. He’s in charge of the soldiers until they free Dax from his cell in the outpost (more on that later), then afterwards he spends the rest of the movie arguing with Dax over who’s in charge. In the first attack on the outpost he hides, Dax is released from his cell and leads the soldiers through the attack. Dill is useless and needlessly confrontational. The most useful thing he does is inform Sahara that she is experiencing psychic visions as a result of her pregnancy. What follows next is one of the most idiotic decisions in the movie. He goes to tell General Shepherd about the Bugs. But oh no, he’s already been bug brained. Next, Lieutenant Dill - the psychic - gets ambushed and killed by an infected trooper. The psychic gets ambushed and killed. Sahara, who recently got her psychic is able to detect the bug people, but this man who presumably has had these powers for all or most of his life, is killed. There’s a character named Private Charlie Soda. She acts as the promiscuous blonde in the horror movie, but rather than get killed by a slasher, she’s under control of the mind control bugs. The way the bugs are transferred is via mouth-to-mouth. They crawl from one host to other and get into their brain eventually replacing it. Soda doesn’t really do much else besides give people bugs. The next issues are more related to the story or analysis of the film or concepts. The first one is nothing major but, again, it's about the characters. Not only are they not memorable but their surnames are lazy. Their names are Peck, Sahara, Brick, Dill, Otter, Rake, and worst of all, Soda. Don’t get wrong it’s entirely possible for a group to have those names, except Soda. It sounds like the writers just flipped through the dictionary looking for names. Next is the character introduction of Dax. When the troopers find him, Dax is locked away in a holding cell with “Murderer” written above it. One of the characters finds his service record nearby and gives exposition. He murdered his commanding officer. A lazy way to introduce a character, but how long was he locked away? He’s not starving nor dehydrated, so it couldn’t have been that long. Also, why was he locked up as opposed to being executed or arrested and taken with his squad to be put on trial? It seems a big risk to bet that he’d die in his cell. Next is the genre. The first Starship Troopers is an action/adventure satire about fascism and jingoism. The second one is a horror movie and a bad one. It combines some standard tropes but doesn’t utilize them well. The first is the dark and ominous setting. It’s boring and there’s nothing to look at, and at times it’s hard to see what’s going on. The next trope is creepy singing. Early in the movie when they get to outpost they gather around one trooper who’s dying and whilst this going on, another trooper is singing a song to him to comfort him. It’s supposed to be creepy or dramatic. The other instance of singing is the good ol’ creepy nursery rhyme. One of the bug infected troopers is singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” in a dark hallway. Talk about on the nose. Favorite Moment The end credits. Is it really that bad? Yes, the worst thing a film can be is boring. This film is so devoid of anything entertaining. It’s not a “so bad it’s good” film. It’s just bad. I don’t care about the characters. I don’t care about the film. It’s just boring. This film is a drain to watch. Nothing is added to the franchise because of this movie. It doesn’t continue the first movie and the third movie ignores it completely. I’ll never get back the time I spent watching this. Sources: IMDb Images: IMDb Featured Image: Katherine Sinkovics
The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board.
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte's editorial board. This article contains images some readers may find disturbing. Leatherface (2017), not to be confused with the early 90s film Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, is a prequel to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this movie dealing with the origins of Leatherface. The Story The films opens at the Sawyer farm where the Sawyer family is celebrating Jedidiah Sawyer’s birthday. Jedidiah, who later becomes Leatherface is gifted a chainsaw—naturally. Present at the party are some familiar faces from the first film. Drayton Sawyer, Nubbins Sawyer, and Grandpa Sawyer. Also, present is the family matriarch, Verna Sawyer and a man that the family has tied up, suspecting him of stealing pigs The family pressures him to use it to kill the man. Jed is hesitant and refuses, so Grandpa Sawyer finishes the man with a sledgehammer. Sometime later, Jed is used to lure back a victim to the farm. This is accomplished via Jed with a sheep’s head on as a mask, standing by the side of the road. This catches the attention of two teenagers driving past. The girl gets out and follows Jed back to the farm where she falls through the floor and then has an engine dropped on her. This girl happens to be Sheriff Hartman’s daughter. Sheriff Hartman vows to Verna that he shall take all of her kids away. So, Jed is sent away, but not Nubbins for some reason. Next the film cuts to Jed now called Jackson, in a mental hospital. The movie does this thing where they try to keep the audience guessing as to who is Leatherface. It’s Jed. The other characters are Bud a hulking mute, Nurse Lizzie who’s first day it is on the job, and Ike and Clarice who are both sadistic and more or less the same character. Later on Verna Sawyer visits the mental hospital to speak to Dr. Lang the man who runs the hospital. She comes with a court order saying that she can visit Jed. Dr. Lang refuses to let this happen, so sometime later she causes a riot allowing the patients to escape. Ike, Clarice, Bud, Jed, and Lizzie escape in a car. They stop to change clothes. The next morning Sheriff Hartman comes to view the aftermath. Meanwhile the gang stop at a diner to eat. Jed and Lizzie are both miserable and it’s revealed that Jed, prior to becoming a chainsaw-welding cannibal, was a sensitive man. Ike and Clarice start a gun fight in order to avoid paying for the food. They steal the gun from a patron at the diner, because everyone in Texas has a gun. The group escapes, but Bud is shot in the side. They make their way to a trailer where a man had hanged himself. Lizzie tends to Bud’s wound and the relationship between Jed and Lizzie is further explored. Sheriff Hartman arrives at the diner to survey the aftermath and finds out from a survivor where the group is going. Later on it’s night at the trailer and Lizzie tries to escape but Ike catches her. He scolds Bud who is on watch, so Bud beats him and drags him away. He does this whilst everyone is gone. He takes Ike to a rock and recreates the infamous curb stomp scene from American History X. The next morning Clarice is looking for Ike. And Sheriff Hartman is looking for the group and stumbles upon Clarice and shoots her. He then has dogs sent out to find the others. So, Jed, Lizzie, and Bud hide in a dead cow evading the dogs. Later on, Lizzie again tries to escape this time getting hold of a deputy. Jed chases after her, and Bud follows. Bud is killed by the deputy for not following his instructions. Jed beats the deputy to death, Lizzie steals deputy’s car. She drives off with Jackson (Jed) in the passenger seat. Sheriff Hartman is shooting at them. He gets Jackson in the face, tearing both of his cheeks. Lizzie is shot in the arm and crashes the car. The remainder of the movie takes place at the Sawyer farm. The Sheriff has this plan to kill Jed at the farm. He gets ambushed by the Sawyer family, taken along with Lizzie to their house. He gets sliced up by Jed with a chainsaw. Lizzie escapes during the carnage with Jed, Drayton, and Nubbins chasing after her. She steps in a bear trap and begs for her life when Jed arrives. She has initial success, but she insults Jed’s family causing him to get angry and kill her. The movie ends with Jed making a mask from Hartman and Lizzies’ faces. The Good This film has a lot going for it. First of all, the acting in this movie is incredible. Everyone does a phenomenal job acting. Sam Strike, Vanessa Grasse, Lili Taylor, and Stephen Dorff all did wonderful jobs with their roles. They convey how their characters feel throughout the whole movie. This movie was more or less straight to DVD, and as anyone who has watched a straight to DVD movie can attest, those movies usually have a less than stellar effort of acting—either overacted or worse, underacted. This movie thankfully doesn’t have that problem. The accents are done well. Having been to Texas multiple times I can attest that the actors do a convincing Texas accent. And most of the actors are British, but you’d never know that. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre used actors all from Texas. When both films are compared the accents in the prequel are good, maybe a little exaggerated or more of a Southern drawl in some instances but overall a good job. Second, the gore and blood and effects are well done in this movie. The effects, as far as I can tell, are all practical effects. Hartman’s death scene is horribly brutal and bloody, reminiscent of the second Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something from The Evil Dead franchise. It’s rare for a movie to completely rely on practical effects, usually they’re augmented with CGI blood or are entirely CGI. The latter being the case with many straight to DVD films. I’m not a cinematographer but I would say that this film is well shot. I don’t see any glaring or obvious mistakes. The soundtrack is alright, not as memorable as the first two films. A standard run of the mill horror soundtrack. Again, not expecting much. The dialogue is also pretty good. It gets the point across and for the most is reasonably well-written.. Another minor thing that I enjoyed is it didn’t feel like it was pandering. Yes, there were some references to the original, but they weren’t in your face or used all the time. For instance, the fourth film, The Next Generation is loaded with tons of references to the original. Thankfully that’s not the case with this one.This film has a lot of good going for it. Watch a straight to DVD movie and compare it this film. Pay attention to the acting and effects it’ll make you appreciate all the effort put into this film. There was actually effort put in this. I just want to praise the acting again. It’s rare for a movie of this caliber to have good acting let alone all the other aspects. The Bad Have you ever wondered how Leatherface became the way he is? Yeah, me neither. Leatherface as character is really simple. He’s a mentally disabled cannibal with a chainsaw. In this movie he’s a normal guy until he gets shot and gets in the car crash. I presume he got brain damage from the crash. That would best explain why he is the way he is in the original movie. Also, Leatherface isn’t the most interesting of characters at least for a whole movie. His family, however are the more interesting characters in the movies. Leatherface is the face of the franchise, but the family is the meat. Each member of his family is memorable and bizarre in their own way. Drayton Sawyer is a cook who has won two chili cook-offs as revealed in the second movie. Nubbins Sawyer is an artist crafting furniture and the like out of human and animal corpses. This movie could have been improved by focusing on Leatherface and his family. Take for instance the reboot that came out in the early to mid-2000s there was a prequel to that one as well. This movie explained Leatherface’s origins, why he wears skin masks, but what makes the makes the film interesting is that it focuses on his family as well, and how they became cannibals. Arguably a more interesting idea than how he went from a sensitive man to a killer. Another aspect of this movie is that it feels like an unnecessary prequel that doesn’t really add to the franchise and complicates and subtracts from it. Let’s start with the characters and how they are portrayed. The family as a whole is a lot nicer to Jed compared to the first film where they were abusive towards him. In the first film Drayton makes it clear that he doesn’t take any pleasure in killing, in the prequel he kills a deputy and gleefully chases after Lizzie. Nubbins is wild and animated, in this one he’s just kinda there and appears to be missing his birthmark. Also, in the original, Drayton and Nubbins torment one another, here they get along. Verna isn’t in the original. At the Gorman house she mentions that she married someone rich, but she still lives at the Sawyer house. So, maybe she moved away or she’s the corpse next to Grandpa in the original. Also, all the members of the Sawyer family have to go through some extreme physical changes to look like themselves in the original. This film ends in 1965 and the original takes place in 1972. The original begins with a narration saying how it’s based on a true story. It’s not, but it seems believable however if you watch this movie before the original it removes any doubt as to whether or not the original is based on a true story. The next few bad things are more technical aspects as opposed to the timeline and characters. The first bad technical aspect is relatively minor. As I mentioned in the plot Clarice and Ike have two sex scenes. Both of which add nothing to the plot. The first one isn’t that memorable, I didn’t realize there was a sex scene the first time I watched it, but that second scene that’s something else. Again, as I mentioned Ike and Clarice have sex on/with the corpse they find in the trailer. There’s also a shot of Clarice nude from the front revealing that she is burned. I think the reason that this scene is in the movie is so it’s more edgy and it’ll leave people revolted. This scene has absolutely no bearing to the plot and adds nothing to the movie but edginess, because there’s nothing edgier than necrophilia. Speaking of Ike and Clarice, I personally cannot stand them. They remind of middle schoolers and bad horror movies from the 2000s. I don’t have a problem with swearing, I watch movies with it, I use it all the time, but these characters swear like middle schoolers just learning the words. I think it’s to give them some edge, but it’s just obnoxious. Clarice and Ike also feel like they’re the same character. They’re both annoying, obnoxious, and sadistic. I just described two different characters with one sentence. Next is the plot and writing. The plot does have two parts that don’t make sense. I mentioned in the plot section about Hartman saying he would take all of her kids, yet Nubbins still remains with his family. He looks slightly younger than Jed and acts wilder so shouldn’t he be taken as well? The other oddity concerns Hartman as well. In the end Lizzie wakes up in the crashed car which is somehow at the Sawyer farm. Hartman is in the barn with Jed, planning to kill him in a similar manner to how his daughter died. He took a crashed vehicle and went to a farm full of people he knows are killers, people he knows hate him and want to kill him. He does all this with the intent of killing one of them. That’s one of the dumbest decisions in horror. My Favorite Moment When I paused it to grab a Coke. Joking aside, the last fifteen or so minutes at the Sawyer farm. It feels like a horror movie. Everything leading up to it was more like shock. It didn’t feel like horror. Is it really that bad? Honestly, probably not. It’s my litmus test for awful horror movies, not so bad they’re good but just awful. It has elements working for it, but the plot and name attached to it are what hold it back. This movie clearly has a lot of talent and passion in it. I think if it was detached from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and rewritten as something original then it could shine on its own. Sources: IMDb Images: IMDb Featured Image: Sam Smith
The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board.
by Ian Roesler The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board. 4chan is one of the most ubiquitous websites on the internet. It is the stereotype of the internet. The most internet place on the internet. Take all the mundane parts, all the weird parts, all the racist, sexist, etc. parts, and put them all on one website and presto chango, you have 4chan. The website also shows what we as humanity can accomplish when we work together. 1. Changing the Results of the "Dub the Dew" Contest When Mountain Dew was coming out with a new apple flavored beverage in 2012 they had a promotion they called “Dub the Dew ” where people could name the new flavor of Mountain Dew. 4chan caught wind of this and promptly set about changing the results. The number one result was “Hitler did Nothing Wrong” followed by “Gushing Granny,” “Fapple,” and “Diabeetus." Other names included “Soda,” and “Sierra Mist.” They even named one after the Seth Putnam classic “Hitler was a Sensitive Man.” Oddly enough, Mountain Dew decided to not release the drink at all and closed the poll down. Gee, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I sure could go for a crisp, cool sip of Mountain Dew Hitler did Nothing Wrong. 2. Feud with Shia LaBeouf Shia LaBeouf last year did a piece of protest art called He Will Not Divide Us in response to our current President. It consisted of a live stream of a flag with the words of the artwork on it. It initially took place in Queens, New York. 4chan users, or Anons as they’re called, soon set about trying to get on camera and harassing Shia LaBeouf. In this process he went to jail for punching someone. After that fiasco, the exhibit was moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico. The same thing happened minus the punching. Next it was moved to a random location in the middle of nowhere. So, 4chan looked up weather and flight patterns, constellations, and eventually the location was found. The flag was changed and the livestream ended shortly thereafter. And then on June 8th, 2018 it was installed at the Muzeum Sztuki, Łódź. 3. Tay.ai Tay was a Twitter bot created by Microsoft. Tay was to learn from human interaction. It was a shining landmark in artificial intelligence. Less than a day later Tay was tweeting racist stuff, and she was promptly shutdown. How this came about is the existence of Tay was shared by a user on the /pol/ board of 4chan, which is the "politically incorrect" board. 4. Microwaving iPhones Shortly after the iOS 8 operating system came out for iPhones there was a rumor that putting the phone in a microwave and nuking it would charge the phone. It went about as well as one would imagine. The claim was that microwaving the iPhone for a minute at 700 watts would completely charge it. The rumor was spread by /b/ which stands for random. 5. Mr. Worldwide goes to Alaska In 2012 Pitbull was working with Walmart and there was a contest on where Pitbull should go. The contest was simple: the Walmart that had the most likes on the Facebook would win. The winner was the one in Kodiak, Alaska. Pitbull went there, performed a concert, and visited the town. Say what you will about him he at least did as promised. 6. Taylor Swift goes to Deaf School Another famous singer had another Facebook contest. The winner would receive $10,000 and a free concert from Taylor Swift. 4chan again chose the winner for this contest and the winner was the Horace Mann School for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. The money was donated and additional money was raised from the event as well. Taylor Swift decided not to perform at the school. So those are but a few incidents that the collective hacker known as 4chan has been involved in. There are many others and there shall be many more. Eventually nuclear war will break out and somehow 4chan will be involved. 4chan best shows what humanity is capable of when given anonymity: endless trolling as far as the eye can see. Sources: Time, He Will Not Divide Us, Vice, Washington Post, Daily Mail, Mashable, The Guardian Images: Know Your Meme, Engadget Header Image: The Verge
By Ian Roesler WARNING: Major spoilers ahead for Solo: A Star Wars Story The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinion of Byte or Byte’s editorial board. Solo isn’t the worst Star Wars movie; that honor falls upon The Star Wars Holiday Special, which is easily the worst thing to happen in the last two centuries. So, this movie was a little controversial when it was announced. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Regardless of how I initially felt I was planning on seeing it anyway. I’ve seen every movie up to this point, except the Holiday Special I and others felt that Han Solo is one of those characters that the less you know about him the better, like Boba Fett, who is also getting his own movie. The mystery is part of the appeal and Star Wars hasn’t had the best luck with prequels, but I thought this movie was good. Whereas the other movies would switch between a character or group of characters, such as in Empire it’ll flip between Luke on Dagobah and the others in Cloud City, this one is just Han Solo as the title would “exply” (a made-up word meaning the opposite of imply). It was more action and adventure-y than a standard Star Wars movie. It was constantly moving. The music was decent. John Powell did the music for this one. The action was great. I think there’s more positives than negatives. A big controversy about this movie was the cast. So, if you’ve been living under a rock you probably heard about the casting controversy. They replaced an actor of a major character. Say what you will but I thought Joonas Suotamo did a great job as Chewbacca and I think he did a great job as him in The Last Jedi. You can’t blame Peter Mayhew for stepping down from the role. Thankfully they got new actors to play the younger versions of Han and Lando, instead of CGI-ing his face onto another actor like they did with Grand Moff Tarkin. That was odd and a creepy to say the least. Back to Solo, Alden Ehrenreich did an excellent job as Han Solo which is no easy task, I’m so glad they didn’t cgi a young Harrison Ford on him. Emilia Clarke plays Qi’ra, who is Han’s love interest and eventually becomes a gang leader. Woody Harrelson plays Tobias Beckett, he gets Solo and Chewie into the smuggler lifestyle. And finally, there’s Donald Glover who plays Lando Calrissian. Lando is easily the best character in this movie. Donald Glover just oozes charisma in this role. Ray Park reprises his role as Darth Maul for a brief cameo towards the end. There’s also a robot that might grate some people, as she’s like the embodiment of a social justice warrior for droids. This movie is the first in the franchise to not feature C-3PO or R2D2 in any capacity. Although I think I might have seen R2D2 in a cameo. Maybe. There’s also a main villain. He’s okay. He has a scarred face and is in charge of a large criminal empire. A human Jabba basically. Then there’s the tribal guy who’s set up as a villain but is revealed to be a good guy. So, let’s examine what the film did well, not so well, some possible complaints that others may have, and how it compares to Rogue One. The Good: The casting as mentioned was a highlight. Everyone did well as their respective character. The action was great in this movie. The trailer showed the Falcon smacking a tie fighter into an ice chunk. That was groovy. One of my favorite parts is where the main characters are in the middle of a riot on a mining planet Chewbacca chokeslams a guy like the Undertaker. I would love a movie of Chewbacca wrastlin’, like he could be on top of a Hell in a Cell then throw a stormtrooper thirty off into the Spanish announcer’s table (a la Mankind vs. the Undertaker). The rest of the action is more or less typical Star Wars sans lightsabers. This movie answers some questions that fans wanted and some ones that I don’t think anyone cared about. The ones that people cared about that were answered: How do Han and Chewie meet? How do Hand and Lando meet? The movie ends with setting itself up for potential sequels. Jabba the Hutt is not mentioned by name but is described “some gangster on Tatooine”- that’s the exact phrasing, but if you know about Han’s backstory you can infer who they’re talking about. The film shows how Han wins the Millennium Falcon. That too was groovy. The Bad: The questions that no one cares about are answered as well. These felt more like fan-service and they got annoying. I’ll go over the ones I remember. We learn how Han Solo gets his last name. When he goes to sign up for the Imperial Naval Academy the recruiter asks who his people are, he replies he doesn’t have any. So, the recruiter gives him the last name Solo. We learn how Han gets his blaster. Woody Harrelson gives it to him. We learn why Lando mispronounces Hans’ name. He just does. We learn why Han calls Chewbacca “Chewie” because his name is long. Surprisingly, we don’t learn where Han gets his vest or pants. You probably got tired of how I started most of these sentences with “We learned…” but that’s how it feels to watch this sometimes.
Derek “Daddy Derek” Savage is an author and filmmaker most known for his kids’ safety public service announcement: Cool Cat Saves the Kids. Derek Savage’s masterpiece first became internet famous after Adum from Your Movie Sucks did a review of the film February 2015. The channel I Hate Everything (IHE) then did a review of the film, which prompted Derek Savage to take action to a level the depths of man could only dream of. And soon he’ll be directing his next film Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting. But first some information about the greatest filmmaker to ever live.
by Ian Roesler Derek “Daddy Derek” Savage is an author and filmmaker most known for his kids’ safety public service announcement: Cool Cat Saves the Kids. Derek Savage’s masterpiece first became internet famous after Adum from Your Movie Sucks did a review of the film February 2015. The channel I Hate Everything (IHE) then did a review of the film, which prompted Derek Savage to take action to a level the depths of man could only dream of. And soon he’ll be directing his next film Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting. But first some information about the greatest filmmaker to ever live. Derek Savage was born in Virginia on May 13, 1962. He currently lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. And yes ladies, he’s single. As previously mentioned he’s most known for his creation Cool Cat which he promotes as much as humanly possible, but he’s also the creator of Bible Birdie, Trolly the Trout, the film Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women, three novels, and a glorious website. Website His website won the Golden Web Award from 2001-2003. And it shows. This award is given out for website design. Going through his website reveals that he was in Playgirl, complete with a picture. Also, on his website are links to all of the children’s content he’s created, but also has some stuff for more mature audiences. So, far the only things that are available for purchase are Cool Cat related items and stuff related to the film Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women. Everything else is coming soon and it said that when I placed an order in January. Honestly, just check it out, words cannot do it justice. Bible Birdie https://twitter.com/2gay2lift/status/850177159788351488 The only info about Bible Birdie are the two sentences on the website. A bird befriends Jesus and they go on adventures. Trolly the Trout There are three Trolly the Trout books: Trolly Makes Friends, Trolly and the Necklace, and Trolly Finds a Gun. Yes, a trout finds a gun. A gun underwater. There’s also a matching game and cartoon. I tried to download them, but I received a message that the files would harm my computer. So, I have no idea what they’re about. Best Buddies Again only two sentences describe this book. Some animals go to the circus and become the main act. Which leaves one to wonder what attractions does this circus have? Surely, they must have lions or elephants or something. One of the characters is named Else Elephant. I think he meant Elise, but who knows? Gun Self-Defense for Ladies/Women This movie is a self-defense that covers guns, mace, knives, karate, and stun guns. So this movie was originally called Gun Self-Defense for Women and then recently he just changed it to Gun Self-Defense for Ladies. On his website there are pictures and links that say one or the other, but also makes it known that this is also for men. For this one you can buy just the DVD or one of two packages: DVD and pepper spray or you can opt for the “Don’t Mess with Me” package which includes the DVD, pepper spray, and a stun gun. I imagine if he could include a gun, he would. His philosophy is that everyone should be armed. Sure, why not. And now for the main event (drums rolling) COOL CAT! If Daddy Derek is God, then Cool Cat is his son/prophet and Momma Cat is the Virgin Mary. But the relationship between Daddy Derek and Cool Cat is closer to a pimp and a prostitute. If you watch any of his videos he promotes his son shamelessly. In nearly every video on his YouTube channel he usually says “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat” and somewhere towards the end “And remember: Cool Cat loves you.” I imagine he also uses a variation of those when picking up women. “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat but you can call me Daddy Derek, creator of Cool Cat.” According to the Official Derek Savage Wiki (his website) Cool Cat was his imaginary friend as a child. Cool Cat spans a five books, one/two movies, and an upcoming movie. The first movie was called Cool Cat Saves the Kids. It’s an amazing movie, but a horrible PSA. I guess the best way to describe it is avant-garde. There’s not really a plot, things just sort of happen. Some advice from the movie is: if someone brings a gun to school, go into the school, tell an adult, and hide. Hopefully, this doesn’t extend to his upcoming film. And the best advice ever: you can’t really stop cyberbullying, because you don’t know who it’s coming from. It had a glorious trailer, it was so badly edited but alas it has recently been removed. Now the only to see it is to purchase the DVD. So, the Your Movie Sucks and IHE pointed out the awful edits and awkwardness in this movie. IHE pointed out that the cop in the movie is played by a male porn star. One error I noticed is that Daddy Derek shirt changes color in scene between cuts. I recently purchased the DVD back in January and unfortunately many of the shoddy edits and awkward moments are replaced. Replaced by very obvious dubs and cuts. At first, I thought I had a defective copy, but nope. Also, it’s a DVD-ROM so Daddy Derek just burns the movie from his computer, but back to the avant-garde masterpiece. Derek Savage is referred to as Daddy Derek in the movie and ironically-unironically in real-life. Cool Cat is a full-grown man in a cat suit/ fursuit who hangs around with children all day and dispenses life advice and pictures of himself plastered all over the room. Momma Cat is the Cool Cat costume with red lips and a dress, she doesn’t do much. Maria is Cool Cat’s friend and she’s in the film prominently, but mostly talks to Cool Cat. Butch the Bully is the bully and main antagonist. If he was a sandwich he would be a ham sandwich. Then there’s Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada, who barring from themselves are referred to via their whole names. I don’t know how they got in this movie, I think Daddy Derek just knows them or maybe he just saw them relaxing together and filmed them. Erik Estrada is amazing in this, he and Vivica A. Fox are drinking lemonade, but either he didn’t give a damn or it ain’t lemonade. “Dare he izz” he says when Vivica A. Fox asks where Cool Cat is. No offense to Erik Estrada, but all the elementary, maybe early-middle school kids know who he is and think of him as an A-lister. I knew about him at around that age, because I happened to see him on a billboard in New Mexico. Vivica A. Fox I understand, since she was in Kill Bill, Independence Day, Ella Enchanted, and Booty Call; all of these classic kids movies. And for the last of the characters there’s three other kids who exist for PSA advice. It has five groovy original songs all written by Daddy Derek. In the first one Daddy Derek shows off his mad guitar skills, but he doesn’t even bother to plug it in. Then there’s a scene where Cool Cat and Daddy Derek go to Hollywood. Daddy Derek shows video of various cars from popular 80's shows and movies. Then they ride in a parade and there’s some random girl in the car waving with them. After this scene stuff happens. I remember all the scenes but it’s hard to remember when they take place, because there’s no plot. It’s all one giant NyQuil dream. There’s so much to talk about with this movie, but I want to keep this short. The credits roll and then there’s some PSAs about bullying and gun safety. Daddy Derek was obviously sincere in his attempt, misguided but sincere. The whole message of the movie is that bullying isn’t cool. Don’t be a bully. However, shortly after IHE posted his review Derek Savage went savage on him. He first got his account flagged, then he made up a fake law firm and used it to threaten legal action. He claimed the review violated Fair Use policy. Derek “The Savage” Savage even went as far as to take IHE’s YouTube channel. He threatened other YouTubers as well, basically anyone who said anything negative him or Cool Cat. So, I’m probably gonna get threatened. These actions basically amount to bullying. If only there was some kind of PSA that addressed why bullying is bad? Maybe starring Vivica A. Fox and Erik “Dare he izz” Estrada. If only. Eventually, it got all sorted and it turns out IHE was in fact not violating the law. Roughly sometime in 2016 he made a new film called Gun Self-Defense for Women. It’s hard to find dates easily regarding when things are released. His website says this is coming soon, but you can actually buy it. For this movie, he created a one-off advertisement would be the best-way to describe it called The Savage Crime Show. Think the fear-mongering of the news interspersed with advertisements for his film and Cool Cat. He talks about how guns can stop crime. When he talks about the Pulse Nightclub Shooting he reassures that he is in fact straight and that some of his best friends are gay. Yay, diversity. The show says the movie is 105 minutes, but the website says 88 minutes. Who knows? Take a shot every time he advertises his film/Cool Cat and whenever he pauses randomly. Actually, do it for all of his videos. Next comes Cool Cat Kids Superhero which was released in 2018, I think. It’s the same as Cool Cat Saves the Kids, but with added new scenes and a new celebrity: Cynthia Rothrock. Okay, so his website says this is coming soon as does almost everything. You can purchase a Cool Cat DVD and it might be this movie, it might be the other one. https://twitter.com/saltydkdan/status/973857803545776130 After the tragedy of the Parkland shooting, Derek “Hi, I’m Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat” Savage, took to Twitter and said something must be done about these shootings, so he decided to make a film. A few days later he sent out a Twitter poll asking what it should be called, so I exercised my voting rights and voted for what would be the eventual winner. The winner was Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting. The other options were Cool Cat – a School Shooting Safety Film and School Shooting – a Cool Cat Safety Film. Currently he is still working on it. The film also stars Vivica A. Fox so either he just recycles her footage from his previous film or he some dirt on her. But the absurdity does not end there, folks. Roughly a week ago, he made a comment on an article about teen suicide and how something needs to be done about it. So hopefully (not really) after this film is made, Derek “Don’t Commit Suicide, Cool Cat Loves You” Savage will make a film addressing teen suicide. I bet if Daddy Derek had a time machine he would go back in time to produce a film called Cool Cat Stops the Holocaust, Cool Cat’s List, or Triumph des Cool Cat. Anyways, expect more misguided films. So that’s the continuing story Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat. The hero we all need, but don’t deserve. The best way to describe this is it’s The Room of PSAs. Below are links to relevant media. Your Movie Sucks Cool Cat Review Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C67thOEtVNQ Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY6H3_d61zc Cool Cat Learns Fair Use:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5ZmVheuxpo I Hate Everything Cool Cat Review: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoTZZYm2HZI Movie Commentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZimL8vJejY One of the videos detailing his feud with Derek Savage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0qoD3viXL0 Derek Savage: Cool Cat Kids Superhero Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df5afXRZC1g Gun Self-Defense for Ladies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1TjA-wE35o&pbjreload=10 Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqd-aWDC5-0 The Savage Crime Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ7oaTdgJSQ Dare he izz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnjq2L8xIqQ Mad Guitar Skills: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ifRslHXh7Q Indiegogo for new movie: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cool-cat-stops-a-school-shooting-a-safety-film--2#/
