I heart vaginas. They're there for me through thick and thin, and when times get a little lonely. I could not ask for anything more. But when I woke up Monday morning to find out that there was a Vagina-Friendly week, my partner in crime felt a little unappreciated.
Phillip: What a great cause, but I'm friendly too. Why aren't students aware of me?
Me: You are friendly, buddy, but many negative connotations revolve around your kind. I'm a total believer in equality, but some women hate you.
Phillip: How can a woman hate me?
Me: Not you, but your kind. There are very bad men in the world and sometimes little guys like you get stuck places they shouldn't be.
Phillip: Like where?
Me: Fruit, for example. You should not be exploring fruit. It may seem like fun, but you're definitely crossing the line. Rape and abuse are definitely places for your kind not to go. It's really sad guys like you get stuck in those situations. I think that's the great part of Vagina-Friendly week, it's a really good cause, and the proceeds go to A Better Way Women's Shelter.
Phillip: For once, Chris, I totally agree with you. I should keep my distance from the fruit.
Me: You totally missed the point. The fruit was just an example.
Phillip: Oh. But don't men get raped too? Aren't boys victims of abuse as well?
Me: We can all be victims of abuse. It's a really sad world we live in today, but it is no reason to be scared or hated, buddy.
Phillip: I think there should be a Penis-Friendly week because we can be victims too. I think we should be recognized as well. It's only fair.
Me: I agree with you. But what would you want to come out of a Penis-Friendly week?
Phillip: Strippers. Lots and lots of strippers.
Me: Really? That's all you would want from the week?
Phillip: I love strippers. But I want it to be a friendly and relaxing week. I would want to lay around, watch some TV, maybe come out for a jog.
Me: But that's what you do every week. Well, except for the jogging part.
Phillip: But I would like to be appreciated. We could teach others about diseases, prevention and all the other strange predicaments we seem to get in. I and my companions also have a very important purpose in life. And I plan to serve that purpose someday.
Me: Lets hope it's in the distant future, OK? That's the last thing I need on my plate right now.
Phillip: OK, OK. I'll try really hard. But can you make some phone calls about the week? I think it could be really cool.
Me: I'll try my best, buddy. Now you go back to sleep so we can get through another day of classes.
Phillip learned important life lessons today. He learned that rape and abuse are bad, the world is a sad place, women hate him and to keep his distance from fruit.
Write to Chris at cjmihal@bsu.edu
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