Her breath warmed my cheek making it red and irritated. I shifted my shoulders and scooted closer to the edge of the bed clutching the sheets to my bare chest. A frustrated sigh wheezed through my weathered lips and I glowered at the popcorn ceiling above me. This was the moment my epiphany was supposed to come, the moment all my troubles were to be realized as worth something. But no such comfort lingered. This woman beside me didn’t make me feel complete, or remotely understood. The air caught in my throat, every breath she took suffocated me a little more. Slipping from the sheets I bundled my scattered clothes in my arms, and haphazardly threw them on my body as I exited the apartment like a commonplace hookup.
***
“How was it?” Greg asked.
“What do you mean, how was it?”
“I mean,” he grabbed my hand and pulled me to a halt, “how was your first time with someone besides your ex-husband?” His smile was infectious, and I found my own appearing despite my determined self-loathing.
I smacked his arm. “You’ve got to stop doing that. When I’m angry I don’t want you ruining it by making me smile.”
“You are avoiding the question Alice.”
“Fine…fine! It was not great.”
His smile faded into flat lines across his beautiful face. “Not great. Why?”
“She was a twenty-two year old waitress. I felt like an unsatisfied middle-age man looking for some hot young thing to be my mistress. It was all wrong.”
“Ah, so it was the dressing, not the salad, that was incorrect,” his wicked smile reappeared.
“What does that mean?” I crossed my arms over my chest and started walking once more.
“Poor, poor Alice. So confused and lost with only her friend Greg to direct her.”
“Spit it out, I’ve got to get back to the flat and change for work.”
“You’re always working.”
“That’s because it’s a sweet release from realizing I left my husband and our golden retriever because I wanted to take a wild ride with some young pretty girls. Its ridiculous, I’m ridiculous.” I tossed my hands into the air for dramatic effect.
“Stop the self-pity. The reason you feel so down my dear is that you are dissatisfied with youth not women. Young ones while fresh and new they have nothing to bring to the table trust me. You need someone with substance, someone intelligent, and quite honestly you need some love. Also don’t go blaming yourself for your failed marriage, Aaron is no glistening gem himself.” He shook his shoulders as if to throw off the image of my ex-husband.
“I’m just ready to start over, to find someone new, someone that makes me feel excited to be alive.”
“Alice, you will. You just came out. It’s going to take time and patience just as it does when you were trying to find the right man. And maybe just maybe, will you try to smile a little more?” He laughed and pulled me into a hug.
“Alright here’s to patience, smiling, and a good eye,” I said joining in on his laughter.
“Embrace who you are my dear and the rest will fall into place.”
“Thanks Greg.” He left me at the foot of the steps to my flat and as I gazed up at the few that stood between myself and my new home I realized that maybe the epiphany I desired so desperately earlier was there all along.
