Lauren Chapman is a senior journalism news and telecommunications major and writes ‘Miss Know-It-All’ for The Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. Write to Lauren at lechapman@bsu.edu.
Everyone in my family has their coping mechanism for handling panic attacks. My grandpa chews gum and goes for a drive around the block. My dad flips the elastic on the fitted sheet of his bed as a comforting drum, slowly driving my mother into madness.
I have learned to treat my panic attacks with the humor of tech support.
Your person isn’t broken, she’s just rebooting.
STEP ONE: Hands start to ache and shake.
The first sign that a panic attack is creeping in is hand aching. This is a sign that any firewalls or anti-virus that was previously set up has failed. Your person’s grip is going to be worthless. Opening jars is going to suck.
To be fair, opening toothpaste is going to be a struggle.
At this point, shutting your person off and restarting her might work. There is a chance this panic attack may pass by the time she wakes up from an hour nap, but it could also get much worse as well.
STEP TWO: Elbows feel electrocuted
A panic attack may be stopped after this symptom starts, but it’s not a great chance without medication.
If you’ve ever electrocuted yourself with small electronics, the feeling is exactly the same. Your wrist feels like it is connected to your elbow by a bolt of electricity.
This is normal.
Currently, your person is experiencing unwanted pop-up ads and malware. A reboot will not be enough to end the panic attack here.
Your person has a built-in comforting tool. Cleaning, driving, walking, writing or counting are all options for this tool. Your comforting tool may be different, check your owner’s manual for more details.
STEP THREE: “I’m pretty sure I’m having a stroke”
Your person is going to vaguely recall every television show where someone has a stroke and think about arm pain.
She will then be convinced she is having a stroke. Momentarily, she is going to think that if she was having a stroke, she would never know the difference between a stroke and panic attack.
Your person might start picking funeral music.
This is normal.
Maybe not the music-picking, but the arm pain is totally normal.
Your person is experiencing a forced system shut down. Windows updates are stalling her reboot and her body is reacting.
STEP FOUR: “I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack.”
Your person is going to start to experience painful pressure in her chest. Descriptions of this experience range from “an invisible hand choking my heart” to “something warm and heavy sitting on my chest.”
Heart beats are going to be painful. Full-body shaking will intensify. It is at this point your person will react in one of five ways.
Your person will hide.
Your person will cry.
Your person will want to be around other people.
Your person will crawl under furniture like they’re experiencing an earthquake.
Your person will become angry… and then probably cry.
This is normal.
Your person is experiencing an emotional reboot. Everything in her body will force this reaction. Your person is experiencing the black reboot screen.
STEP FIVE: Your person will reboot.
Your person will cry or shake themselves to recovery. This can last for anywhere from twenty minutes to two days.
Once your person reaches the log-in screen, some system malfunctions will continue for the remainder of their day.
Shakes and chest, shoulder or hand pain will last up to 24 hours after the reboot. Hand grip will suffer for the next few days.
If your person experiences a panic attack in front of you, be understanding of their individual approaches to panic attacks. It is likely they don’t have the user manual, and unfortunately one is not published online.
When I moved in with my best friend my sophomore year, I had told her that I experienced panic attacks. In a moment of empathy, she asked for me to describe my panic attacks and more of what she could do for me.
I gave her a bulleted list like the one above.
All mental illnesses are like viruses and malware for your brain. Depression, anxiety, PTSD -- they’re just your brain’s way of rebooting when it recognizes something is chemically wrong.
Your person is not broken, they’re just rebooting.
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